Bergman wasn't stuffing around with his themes at this stage: God, love, the meaning of life, suicide. Gunnar Bjorstrand is a priest who is over it all - sick of God, his declining bunch of parishioners, life, work, everything... Nerdy Ingrid Thulin loves him but he's sick of her, parishoner Max Von Sydow wants some help dealing with the horror of the world but the priest can't so it so he kills himself, Thulin throws herself at him but he tells her to get stuffed, and the organist gets a bit tipsy and the hunchbacked assistant goes on about Jesus.
It's talky yet there are some visually striking sequences such as Thulin's long monologue to camera and seeing von Sydow's dead body and Thulin praying at the end. Bjorstrand's casting in the lead as opposed to vin Sydow means he's even more humourless. And I found it surprisingly gripping - it plunges head on into some big issues, it feels true, it packs a punch.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Movie review - "Streetfighter" (1994) *1/2
Believe it or not there were some high-ish expectations when this came out: director Steve de Souza had written Die Hard, Jean Claude Van Damme looked like really crossing over into the big leagues after Universal Soldier, Raul Julia was the villain... yes it was based on a video game but that wasn't considered a kiss of death then.
Well, the result was a garbage film which lacked excitement and logic. Most strikingly it's confusing when and where this is set, and who are the goodies and why they are good. There's also a real lack of streetfighting. However some of the Thailand locations are pleasing and there's camp value seeing Kylie Minogue in it.
Well, the result was a garbage film which lacked excitement and logic. Most strikingly it's confusing when and where this is set, and who are the goodies and why they are good. There's also a real lack of streetfighting. However some of the Thailand locations are pleasing and there's camp value seeing Kylie Minogue in it.
Movie review - "Jaws: The Revenge" (1988) *
Full disclosure: I saw this at the movies. Yes. Even at the time advance word was bad and everyone knew the series had declined in quality with every new movie but hey it was a Jaws movie... how bad could it be? The answer is pretty bad - starting with an amazing stupid plot. A shark has come to get revenge on the Brody family, first of all arranging things so the youngest Brody (who had a different job in Jaws 3-D I think but never mind) goes out in a boat at Christmas time then ambushes and kills him. Then it follows the mother as she goes to the Bahamas to join her son, and then tries to kill the son and her.
With a premise like that the movie was never going to be any good and the problem is compounded by putting the not-very-good Lorraine Gary in the lead, throwing in too many flashbacks to the first movie (which make you wish you'd gotten than out on video instead), having a confusing climax, and far too many scenes which make no sense (eg Lorraine going out on the boat at the end to take down the shark).
At the risk of sticking my neck out I would like to say the movie has some positives: pleasing Caribbean photography, Michael Caine popping up as someone who clearly works for drug cartels, Lance Guest is a handsome hero with a beard and has a nifty escape sequence using scuba air to flee the shark, Mario Van Peebles is likeable as a best friend, some shots of the shark leaping out of the water are spectacular.
And it is so silly it's enjoyably silly. This wasn't a potentially great film mismanaged, one that got away, it's just pure intelligence-insulting junk. I'm surprised it hasn't become more a of a cult classic.
With a premise like that the movie was never going to be any good and the problem is compounded by putting the not-very-good Lorraine Gary in the lead, throwing in too many flashbacks to the first movie (which make you wish you'd gotten than out on video instead), having a confusing climax, and far too many scenes which make no sense (eg Lorraine going out on the boat at the end to take down the shark).
At the risk of sticking my neck out I would like to say the movie has some positives: pleasing Caribbean photography, Michael Caine popping up as someone who clearly works for drug cartels, Lance Guest is a handsome hero with a beard and has a nifty escape sequence using scuba air to flee the shark, Mario Van Peebles is likeable as a best friend, some shots of the shark leaping out of the water are spectacular.
And it is so silly it's enjoyably silly. This wasn't a potentially great film mismanaged, one that got away, it's just pure intelligence-insulting junk. I'm surprised it hasn't become more a of a cult classic.
TV series - "Luck" (2011) ***
Something of an HBO dream team - Michael Mann directing the pilot, a cast including Dustin Hoffmann, Nick Nolte and Dennis Farina, David Milch head writer on an area he knows a lot about (horse racing). Its clearly made by people with talent and there are some impressive bits but to be frank... it's not that interesting.
The set up is: a gangster gets out of gaol and goes looking for revenge around a race track, there is plenty of atmosphere. But there are too many scenes of horses and horses going around the track, and stories which lack interest. Towards the end it perks up with gangsters moving in (Michael Gambon) and some violence - it could have done wiht more than that.
The group of problem gamblers who hang out with each other start out as engaging and fun but they soon got dull too because every time they earned money you'd know they'd blow it. None of the horse-related characters - vet, trainer, jockey - were that interesting.
The set up is: a gangster gets out of gaol and goes looking for revenge around a race track, there is plenty of atmosphere. But there are too many scenes of horses and horses going around the track, and stories which lack interest. Towards the end it perks up with gangsters moving in (Michael Gambon) and some violence - it could have done wiht more than that.
The group of problem gamblers who hang out with each other start out as engaging and fun but they soon got dull too because every time they earned money you'd know they'd blow it. None of the horse-related characters - vet, trainer, jockey - were that interesting.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Movie review - "We're Living on Dog Food" (2009) ***1/2
Highly enjoyable documentary about the Melbourne punk scene of the late 70s (for lack of a better word) and the making of a film inspired by that era, Dogs in Space. Briskly handled, edited very quickly, and a lot of fun, its upfront about the inspirations, pretensions, pettiness, bitchiness, downsides and excitement of the time. Everyone knew everyone else, life was about breaking the rules, far too many people took drugs.
Talking heads include lots of people I've vaguely heard of including Clinton Walker and Ollie Oleson, plus more famous Alannah Hill (who has the best line - I'm paraphrasing - "everyone told me I should like The Birthday Party so I did but I didn't really they were wankers") and Sean Kelly of the Models. It feels honest - some people tell me they didn't enjoy those days, the drugs clearly did a lot of damage, Clinton Walker is a bit of a smart arse (a few of them are fairly full of their own importance), there was a lot of jealousy of other bands. But it was also a vibrant experimental time. I would have liked to have heard from Richard Lowenstein, who directed this, but I guess he figured it was time to let other people shine.
The most moving segments actually come from interviews with Michael Hutchence during the making of the film. What a talent. What a waste.
Talking heads include lots of people I've vaguely heard of including Clinton Walker and Ollie Oleson, plus more famous Alannah Hill (who has the best line - I'm paraphrasing - "everyone told me I should like The Birthday Party so I did but I didn't really they were wankers") and Sean Kelly of the Models. It feels honest - some people tell me they didn't enjoy those days, the drugs clearly did a lot of damage, Clinton Walker is a bit of a smart arse (a few of them are fairly full of their own importance), there was a lot of jealousy of other bands. But it was also a vibrant experimental time. I would have liked to have heard from Richard Lowenstein, who directed this, but I guess he figured it was time to let other people shine.
The most moving segments actually come from interviews with Michael Hutchence during the making of the film. What a talent. What a waste.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Movie review - "When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth" (1970) **1/2
The success of She and One Million Years BC kicked off a fantasy cycle for Hammer, of which is one of the best. It repeats One Million Years' formula of hot cave women and cave men running around wearing not much fighting each other and some dinosaurs.
Victoria Vetri was selected to fill Raquel Welch's fur bikini as a woman who is about to be burned at the stake but escapes and falls for a man from another tribe, Robin Hawdon. He's got dark hair, so have the women who want to get off with him and Vetri is a blonde (there's a bit of pro-blonde propaganda in these films eg Slave Girl).
The story is silly - Vetri and Hawdon running around, clambering over cliffs, trying to escape nasty cavemen, the elements and dinosaurs (who are constantly used as a deux ex machina). This is a bit more "sea-oriented" than other entries - several times characters clamber on to rafts and people almost drown.
The dinosaur stuff is pretty good: lizards, birds, snakes, crabs and what-not. It is hard to tell the actors apart at times but Vetri is very statuesque and the cast is extremely good looking. This is one of the sexiest movies in the series - Vetri and Hawdon are really into each other and they go for it in that cave (there's a version with a nude swim too).
Victoria Vetri was selected to fill Raquel Welch's fur bikini as a woman who is about to be burned at the stake but escapes and falls for a man from another tribe, Robin Hawdon. He's got dark hair, so have the women who want to get off with him and Vetri is a blonde (there's a bit of pro-blonde propaganda in these films eg Slave Girl).
The story is silly - Vetri and Hawdon running around, clambering over cliffs, trying to escape nasty cavemen, the elements and dinosaurs (who are constantly used as a deux ex machina). This is a bit more "sea-oriented" than other entries - several times characters clamber on to rafts and people almost drown.
The dinosaur stuff is pretty good: lizards, birds, snakes, crabs and what-not. It is hard to tell the actors apart at times but Vetri is very statuesque and the cast is extremely good looking. This is one of the sexiest movies in the series - Vetri and Hawdon are really into each other and they go for it in that cave (there's a version with a nude swim too).
Friday, August 23, 2013
Movie review - "Bait" (2012) *** (warning: spoilers)
Lively schlocky Aussie-Singapore killer animal movie with a deliriously over the top premise - a tsunami hits a coastal town and a bunch of people are stuck together in a flooded supermarket along with a killer shark. It's a throwback to those 70s disaster films with the bank robber subplot also reminiscent of late 50s Roger Corman films (where bank robbers often came across a monster).
A whole bunch of interesting characters are introduced and set up quite neatly - a former life guard traumatised by the death of his best friend, his former fiancee, a rich idiot and her himbo boyfriend, a kkleptomaniac and her estranged cop father and the klepto's boyfriend, some Asians, a battler and a few security guards. However the writers (a bunch of them are credited) never quite develop the subplots satisfactorily enough - we're not asking for Shakepeare just a bit of progression, but some promising characters and situations are thrown away - for example it could have done with less time spent on easy gags from the rich dopey girl, and more from say the klepto's boyfriend.
Also I feel they should have killed someone off towards the end (the death toll eases up in the last third) and even though the movie was made with Singapore finance and a fair few characters live at the end, they're all white and the two Asian characters get eaten.
Still it was easy to follow who was who, and the cast perform gamely: I really like Phoebe Tonkin, Martin Sacks and Dan Wyllie are always reliable and Julian McMahon shines in what is actually the film's best role, an anti-hero robber. He easily outclasses Xavier Samuel, who doesn't do much except look tormented until the end when he's heroic; Sharni Vinson, who was born to play an action hero, is shamefully wasted.
Solid production values, plenty of enjoyably cheesy over the top moments. It's a pity it couldn't have been performed in Aussie accents but for junky fun this easily beats Panic at Rock Island.
A whole bunch of interesting characters are introduced and set up quite neatly - a former life guard traumatised by the death of his best friend, his former fiancee, a rich idiot and her himbo boyfriend, a kkleptomaniac and her estranged cop father and the klepto's boyfriend, some Asians, a battler and a few security guards. However the writers (a bunch of them are credited) never quite develop the subplots satisfactorily enough - we're not asking for Shakepeare just a bit of progression, but some promising characters and situations are thrown away - for example it could have done with less time spent on easy gags from the rich dopey girl, and more from say the klepto's boyfriend.
Also I feel they should have killed someone off towards the end (the death toll eases up in the last third) and even though the movie was made with Singapore finance and a fair few characters live at the end, they're all white and the two Asian characters get eaten.
Still it was easy to follow who was who, and the cast perform gamely: I really like Phoebe Tonkin, Martin Sacks and Dan Wyllie are always reliable and Julian McMahon shines in what is actually the film's best role, an anti-hero robber. He easily outclasses Xavier Samuel, who doesn't do much except look tormented until the end when he's heroic; Sharni Vinson, who was born to play an action hero, is shamefully wasted.
Solid production values, plenty of enjoyably cheesy over the top moments. It's a pity it couldn't have been performed in Aussie accents but for junky fun this easily beats Panic at Rock Island.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Random sitcom memories
A friend recently pointed me in the direction of this wonderful article about sitcoms in the 1980s. It brought back a lot of memories because I'd seen so many of them - sitcoms were all over Australian TV at the time, especially late at night when I would stay up and watch TV while at uni.
Some random memories of various shows:
The Cosby Show - agreed with article in that it had a great first season but quickly ran out of genius and ideas; it had to import cuter kids, more family members, more nods to the black experience; the show was obviously making so much money the credits became more elaborate and the sweaters huger. But it did have a genuinely great first season and the dynamic between Cliff and his wife and Cliff and his underachieving son (a fresh trope at the time) was really memorable.
Family Ties - adored this show especially early on; later it struggled, became over-reliant on clip shows and Malory's boyfriend Nick, and couldn't get any story out of Tina Yothers. But Michael J Fox was excellent as were Meredith Baxter Birney, Michael Gross and Justine Bateman; some really classic episodes. And who doesn't have a soft spot for Skippy?
Cheers - classy, ageless - the George Clooney of sitcoms; managed to survive Sam and Diane's romance ending brilliantly, had a dazzling array of support characters. I reckon it could have survived Ted Danson quitting too, it was such a well oiled machine - would have loved to see them try.
Night Court - I always remember watching this at 11.30pm at night on Channel Nine, a timeslot which completely suited it. A lot of fun, with John Larroquette being particularly good; very funny vaudeville schtick that made you want to be a judge or lawyer.
Who's the Boss? - an okay show which repeated the same old jokes monotonously, but Alyssa Milano did grow up to be very hot and Katherine Helmond was funny.
Growing Pains - I really liked this in its day; Kirk Cameron was a genuinely likeable star and had a pleasing dynamic with his family, and I had a little crush on Tracey Gold. The poor old youngest kid didn't grow up hot so they tried turning him into a nerd and brought in street kid Leo di Caprio. I wonder how this has aged; I have fond memories of it. And the episode where Mike gets smart by writing out cheat sheets and thereby memorising the work accidentally I actually found very useful.
Full House - could never watch it but ads about it were always on so I could follow the serial strands. Amazingly popular.
Family Matters - like Full House this was on Friday nights so if you watched it you were a social leper. Encouraged you to get out of the house.
Perfect Strangers - I actually liked the first season of this but it ran out of steam very fast. Yet lasted for years. Imagine those days.
The Golden Girls - never got into this that much but everyone knew the quality of the cast was amazing.
Gimme a Break - this was always on during the weekend. I have vague memories of it not being that good but then got good towards the end and was better without Dolph Sweet. Am I remembering that right? I recall the elder daughter always seemed to be having something complicated going on in her life.
The Facts of Life - terrible show but it was always on; never seemed to have any gags, far too many serious episodes. Nancy McKeon and Lisa Welchel were cute. I recall when they tried to make it better bringing in Cloris Leachman and making a new set but the magic left. They did make The Facts of Life Down Under which was kind of cool.
Kate and Allie - the first few episodes were terrific then it seemed to run out of steam as well. Or maybe I simply couldn't relate to enough of it.
Designing Women - funny but too much hair and shoulder pads. Often used as a wet weather cricket replacement.
Murphy Brown - an excellent show, a big favourite of mine. Very strong workplace sitcom. Did inspire far too many women to go into journalism.
Newhart - another Channel Nine stick-it-anywhere show this was actually a lot of fun with a solid range of support characters.
Married... with Children - a really funny, at the time unconventional show with some great lines. And what teenage boy at the time didn't have a crush on Christina Applegate?
Roseanne - not a hit on Aussie TV at first until used by the nearly broke Channel Ten. A brilliant show which managed to reinvent its characters (eg Darlene) better than any other. Genuinely groundbreaking and superb until it went ga-ga.
Sledgehammer - fun Dirty Harry send up which ran out of puff soon but had some first-rate epiosdes.
Bosom Buddies - genuinely witty cross dressing comedy with Tom Hanks a star from the get go.
The Wonder Years - sweet, very accomplished, fresh look at a well documented time; love the parents, especially how Dad remained gruff. Lost magic the older Kevin became. And Winnie never did develop that third dimension, did she?
Small Wonder - dreadful sitcom which helped Rupert Murdoch make a fortune. I do remember the anti smoking ep where a friend of the lead chewed tobacco and got cancer of the gums.
Charles in Charge - I actually have a soft spot for this because it reunited the leads of Zapped. Fairly dreadful admittedly but was one of those shows you always found yourself watching. Jennifer Runyon was cute.
Head of the Class - as a bit of a nerd I loved the concept of this and always watched it when it was on Billy Connolly was never as good as Howard Hessmen though.
Never saw Franks Place, Too Close for Comfort, Taxi, Barney Miller, Mr Smith, One of the Boys.
I watched too much TV in the 80s and 90s.
Some random memories of various shows:
The Cosby Show - agreed with article in that it had a great first season but quickly ran out of genius and ideas; it had to import cuter kids, more family members, more nods to the black experience; the show was obviously making so much money the credits became more elaborate and the sweaters huger. But it did have a genuinely great first season and the dynamic between Cliff and his wife and Cliff and his underachieving son (a fresh trope at the time) was really memorable.
Family Ties - adored this show especially early on; later it struggled, became over-reliant on clip shows and Malory's boyfriend Nick, and couldn't get any story out of Tina Yothers. But Michael J Fox was excellent as were Meredith Baxter Birney, Michael Gross and Justine Bateman; some really classic episodes. And who doesn't have a soft spot for Skippy?
Cheers - classy, ageless - the George Clooney of sitcoms; managed to survive Sam and Diane's romance ending brilliantly, had a dazzling array of support characters. I reckon it could have survived Ted Danson quitting too, it was such a well oiled machine - would have loved to see them try.
Night Court - I always remember watching this at 11.30pm at night on Channel Nine, a timeslot which completely suited it. A lot of fun, with John Larroquette being particularly good; very funny vaudeville schtick that made you want to be a judge or lawyer.
Who's the Boss? - an okay show which repeated the same old jokes monotonously, but Alyssa Milano did grow up to be very hot and Katherine Helmond was funny.
Growing Pains - I really liked this in its day; Kirk Cameron was a genuinely likeable star and had a pleasing dynamic with his family, and I had a little crush on Tracey Gold. The poor old youngest kid didn't grow up hot so they tried turning him into a nerd and brought in street kid Leo di Caprio. I wonder how this has aged; I have fond memories of it. And the episode where Mike gets smart by writing out cheat sheets and thereby memorising the work accidentally I actually found very useful.
Full House - could never watch it but ads about it were always on so I could follow the serial strands. Amazingly popular.
Family Matters - like Full House this was on Friday nights so if you watched it you were a social leper. Encouraged you to get out of the house.
Perfect Strangers - I actually liked the first season of this but it ran out of steam very fast. Yet lasted for years. Imagine those days.
The Golden Girls - never got into this that much but everyone knew the quality of the cast was amazing.
Gimme a Break - this was always on during the weekend. I have vague memories of it not being that good but then got good towards the end and was better without Dolph Sweet. Am I remembering that right? I recall the elder daughter always seemed to be having something complicated going on in her life.
The Facts of Life - terrible show but it was always on; never seemed to have any gags, far too many serious episodes. Nancy McKeon and Lisa Welchel were cute. I recall when they tried to make it better bringing in Cloris Leachman and making a new set but the magic left. They did make The Facts of Life Down Under which was kind of cool.
Kate and Allie - the first few episodes were terrific then it seemed to run out of steam as well. Or maybe I simply couldn't relate to enough of it.
Designing Women - funny but too much hair and shoulder pads. Often used as a wet weather cricket replacement.
Murphy Brown - an excellent show, a big favourite of mine. Very strong workplace sitcom. Did inspire far too many women to go into journalism.
Newhart - another Channel Nine stick-it-anywhere show this was actually a lot of fun with a solid range of support characters.
Married... with Children - a really funny, at the time unconventional show with some great lines. And what teenage boy at the time didn't have a crush on Christina Applegate?
Roseanne - not a hit on Aussie TV at first until used by the nearly broke Channel Ten. A brilliant show which managed to reinvent its characters (eg Darlene) better than any other. Genuinely groundbreaking and superb until it went ga-ga.
Sledgehammer - fun Dirty Harry send up which ran out of puff soon but had some first-rate epiosdes.
Bosom Buddies - genuinely witty cross dressing comedy with Tom Hanks a star from the get go.
The Wonder Years - sweet, very accomplished, fresh look at a well documented time; love the parents, especially how Dad remained gruff. Lost magic the older Kevin became. And Winnie never did develop that third dimension, did she?
Small Wonder - dreadful sitcom which helped Rupert Murdoch make a fortune. I do remember the anti smoking ep where a friend of the lead chewed tobacco and got cancer of the gums.
Charles in Charge - I actually have a soft spot for this because it reunited the leads of Zapped. Fairly dreadful admittedly but was one of those shows you always found yourself watching. Jennifer Runyon was cute.
Head of the Class - as a bit of a nerd I loved the concept of this and always watched it when it was on Billy Connolly was never as good as Howard Hessmen though.
Never saw Franks Place, Too Close for Comfort, Taxi, Barney Miller, Mr Smith, One of the Boys.
I watched too much TV in the 80s and 90s.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Movie review -Bond#1 - "Dr No" (1962) ****1/2
Someone once described Casablanca as the happiest of happy accidents but a good argument could be made for Dr No as well: the well-established James Bond series of novels had been sniffed around by producers for years, turned into one TV show, but never made until the early 60s... when censorship had relaxed enough to allow enough sex and violence to do justice to the stories; it was British at a time when the Empire was in decline, which made it reassuring yet non-threatening; the producers were North Americans with experience in the British film industry, so they knew how to export "Britishness" to the world; the key creatives had worked together for several years making action flicks for Warwick Productions; the cold war was morphing; the sexual revolution was taking hold; colour location photography became the norm.
Consider the incredible group of people here: Terence Young, whose sophistication added so much to the role of Bond and whose brisk handling has probably been underrated (due in part to his lack of decent non-Bond credits); Richard Maibaum the screenwriter who worked on the series until the late 1980s, who had a wonderful wry sense of humour; Ken Adam's set designing genius (this is meant to be a low budget movie - it did cost over a million dollars - but it looks like a blockbuster with these incredible wide rooms); Broccoli and Saltzman who brought it all together; Peter Hunt's dynamic editing; Maurice Binder's groundbreaking titles; that music score.
Also the cast. First and foremost there is Connery's Bond - his combination of sexuality, polish, intelligence, sadism and animal violence has ever been matched. Does anyone serious think the series would have been as successful with Richard Johnson, Patrick McGoohan or David Niven? Who else could be introduced in a casino, seduce a woman straight away (Eunice Grayson), smoke so elegantly, karate chop villainous henchmen send to kill him, seduce a woman who has arranged to kill him then arrange for her to be arrested, befriend local fisherman and CIA man, outsmart and outfight Dr No... it's an incredible star performance.
In support is the magnificent Ursula Andress (Honey Rider randomly coming out of the surf in a bikini with a knife while singing is everything we love about Bonds), so sexy and matter of fact deadly (a rape victim who killed her attacker), if a bit of a native girl fantasy, following Bond around like a puppy dog. Joseph Wiseman is a very effective villain, ice calm and dodgy hands (I wonder what Noel Coward would have been like?). Jack Lord is the first in a long, long line of "whatever" Felix Leiters but Anthony Dawson is a terrific traitor and John Kitzmiller a lively Quarrel, a faithful black servant (interestingly sadistic in his treatment of that photographer at the nightclub and more conventionally scared of dragons). Throw in Bernard Miles and Lois Maxwell who would become so iconic.
Let's look at the film as a film and not a piece of history: Jamaica seems a ugly in places (lots of dirt roads); the women are good looking (not just Andress but also the support); the colour is gorgeous; the story is relatively simple but effective with memorable set pieces - the opening murder by the three blind mice, the tarantula attack, visiting Crab Key. It is a bit racist, with its white man's burden, tropic outpost setting, Fu Manchu villains, superstitious black friends, half-caste femme fetales, etc; the finale isn't as good as the build up (things exploding really, no decent henchman to kill).
But it's gripping and very entertaining; people sometimes say it was Goldfinger that set the template, but really Dr No had it all from the beginning.
Consider the incredible group of people here: Terence Young, whose sophistication added so much to the role of Bond and whose brisk handling has probably been underrated (due in part to his lack of decent non-Bond credits); Richard Maibaum the screenwriter who worked on the series until the late 1980s, who had a wonderful wry sense of humour; Ken Adam's set designing genius (this is meant to be a low budget movie - it did cost over a million dollars - but it looks like a blockbuster with these incredible wide rooms); Broccoli and Saltzman who brought it all together; Peter Hunt's dynamic editing; Maurice Binder's groundbreaking titles; that music score.
Also the cast. First and foremost there is Connery's Bond - his combination of sexuality, polish, intelligence, sadism and animal violence has ever been matched. Does anyone serious think the series would have been as successful with Richard Johnson, Patrick McGoohan or David Niven? Who else could be introduced in a casino, seduce a woman straight away (Eunice Grayson), smoke so elegantly, karate chop villainous henchmen send to kill him, seduce a woman who has arranged to kill him then arrange for her to be arrested, befriend local fisherman and CIA man, outsmart and outfight Dr No... it's an incredible star performance.
In support is the magnificent Ursula Andress (Honey Rider randomly coming out of the surf in a bikini with a knife while singing is everything we love about Bonds), so sexy and matter of fact deadly (a rape victim who killed her attacker), if a bit of a native girl fantasy, following Bond around like a puppy dog. Joseph Wiseman is a very effective villain, ice calm and dodgy hands (I wonder what Noel Coward would have been like?). Jack Lord is the first in a long, long line of "whatever" Felix Leiters but Anthony Dawson is a terrific traitor and John Kitzmiller a lively Quarrel, a faithful black servant (interestingly sadistic in his treatment of that photographer at the nightclub and more conventionally scared of dragons). Throw in Bernard Miles and Lois Maxwell who would become so iconic.
Let's look at the film as a film and not a piece of history: Jamaica seems a ugly in places (lots of dirt roads); the women are good looking (not just Andress but also the support); the colour is gorgeous; the story is relatively simple but effective with memorable set pieces - the opening murder by the three blind mice, the tarantula attack, visiting Crab Key. It is a bit racist, with its white man's burden, tropic outpost setting, Fu Manchu villains, superstitious black friends, half-caste femme fetales, etc; the finale isn't as good as the build up (things exploding really, no decent henchman to kill).
But it's gripping and very entertaining; people sometimes say it was Goldfinger that set the template, but really Dr No had it all from the beginning.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Movie review - "Wings" (1927) ****
The first winner for the Best Picture Oscar holds up really well today - it's hard to imagine them ever doing more exciting yet realistic World War One dog fight footage, since this had the benefit of plenty of war veterans on the crew and cast, 1927 OH & S and a big budget. It's very well directed by William Wellman full of tracking shots and interesting quirks, with a feeling of authenticity: the camaraderie amongst soldiers, the delights of leave, the drudgery of service, the randomness of death.
This was pre-Code and is surprisingly explicit - we see men shot and blood dribble from their mouth, Clara Bow shows some side boob and a bare back, backs are broken, two lesbians have a drink together at the Follies Berges, naked dudes get checked out for medical, tanks run over soldiers.
Richard Arlen and Buddy Rogers are perfectly serviceable as the lead duo, two guys in love with the same girl (the wet Jobyna Ralston, in a very small role, and very uninteresting) - Rogers seems like a nice guy and Arlen was a pilot meaning he could take part in the flying sequences (I remember his head of hair being swept back by wind all the time).
However we see the real meaning of charisma when both are a scene with Gary Cooper - it's just one scene, Cooper goes off to die in an accident straight away, but you can tell that Cooper's just plain got magnetism whereas the others don't (and I don't think I'm being wise in hindsight here because I couldn't stand Cooper... besides, the fate of each actor's careers back me up).
Also providing star quality is Clara Bow, who's very good, full of life and spirit as the girl in love with Rogers - she never had a rep as a great actor, dear Clara, but watch how she conveys every emotion with her face... at every moment you know exactly what she's thinking. And I totally believed her as the sort of girl who would enlist as an ambulance driver, even if she does seem a little old in her girl next door outfits (she seems younger in her sexy Parisian number), and it felt like a cop out she resigned before the end of the war (there was no real reason for this story wise, either).
Good, solid story with a great melodramatic finale - Rogers chasing after Arlen thinking he's a German. At times the two lead actors did get a little lost in the story underneath their goggles.
This was pre-Code and is surprisingly explicit - we see men shot and blood dribble from their mouth, Clara Bow shows some side boob and a bare back, backs are broken, two lesbians have a drink together at the Follies Berges, naked dudes get checked out for medical, tanks run over soldiers.
Richard Arlen and Buddy Rogers are perfectly serviceable as the lead duo, two guys in love with the same girl (the wet Jobyna Ralston, in a very small role, and very uninteresting) - Rogers seems like a nice guy and Arlen was a pilot meaning he could take part in the flying sequences (I remember his head of hair being swept back by wind all the time).
However we see the real meaning of charisma when both are a scene with Gary Cooper - it's just one scene, Cooper goes off to die in an accident straight away, but you can tell that Cooper's just plain got magnetism whereas the others don't (and I don't think I'm being wise in hindsight here because I couldn't stand Cooper... besides, the fate of each actor's careers back me up).
Also providing star quality is Clara Bow, who's very good, full of life and spirit as the girl in love with Rogers - she never had a rep as a great actor, dear Clara, but watch how she conveys every emotion with her face... at every moment you know exactly what she's thinking. And I totally believed her as the sort of girl who would enlist as an ambulance driver, even if she does seem a little old in her girl next door outfits (she seems younger in her sexy Parisian number), and it felt like a cop out she resigned before the end of the war (there was no real reason for this story wise, either).
Good, solid story with a great melodramatic finale - Rogers chasing after Arlen thinking he's a German. At times the two lead actors did get a little lost in the story underneath their goggles.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Movie review - Chan#27 - "Castle in the Desert" (1942) **1/2
The last Charlie Chan movie made at 20th Century Fox before the series was booted off to Monogram. Its directed by Harry Lachman so it has a heavier quasi horror movie feel - but just to keep things weird it's also got a Western element, plus some house of horrors comedy.
Most of the action takes place at a castle in the middle of the Mojave Desert (based on a real one apparently) where the locals don't trust what's going on... And for good reason since it's very odd and straight out of The Cat and the Canary. There's Henry Daniell and Douglas Dumbrille, a batty old lady, some young lovers, battles over wills, a person obsessed with the Borgias, people running around in knight armour, a chamber of horrors.
It's all kind of nutty and actually a lot of fun - I went with this one, thought it was good.
Most of the action takes place at a castle in the middle of the Mojave Desert (based on a real one apparently) where the locals don't trust what's going on... And for good reason since it's very odd and straight out of The Cat and the Canary. There's Henry Daniell and Douglas Dumbrille, a batty old lady, some young lovers, battles over wills, a person obsessed with the Borgias, people running around in knight armour, a chamber of horrors.
It's all kind of nutty and actually a lot of fun - I went with this one, thought it was good.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Movie review - "All is Lost" (2013) ***1/2
Robert Redford wakes up on his yacht one morning to find he's hit some discarded cargo and is leaking in the middle of the Indian Ocean - he has to spend the rest of his film battling this problem and all that flow from it, including the elements. It's a gripping story, with Redford having to carry almost the entire action silently - he doesn't even have a beach ball to talk to.
And while Redford's limitations as an actor are apparent at times (his breakdown isn't much of a breakdown and he's never been good at suggesting tension) he has charisma and likeability which mean we're with him the whole way, the fact he's a star means we feel we know him even in the absence of any back story, and he's obviously a physical guy so I bought it that he was sailing around the world even at that age, and is as capable as his character seems to be (I don't know whether you'd believe it of, say, Anthony Hopkins). So I hope he gets the Oscar nomination that must have been at the back of his mind when he wanted to do this.
The filmmakers did a marvellous job of recreating the experience of being on a yacht. I think the second ship passing was one too many but I know why they did it. This is something a bit new for an action adventure tale and I hope it makes a lot of cash.
And while Redford's limitations as an actor are apparent at times (his breakdown isn't much of a breakdown and he's never been good at suggesting tension) he has charisma and likeability which mean we're with him the whole way, the fact he's a star means we feel we know him even in the absence of any back story, and he's obviously a physical guy so I bought it that he was sailing around the world even at that age, and is as capable as his character seems to be (I don't know whether you'd believe it of, say, Anthony Hopkins). So I hope he gets the Oscar nomination that must have been at the back of his mind when he wanted to do this.
The filmmakers did a marvellous job of recreating the experience of being on a yacht. I think the second ship passing was one too many but I know why they did it. This is something a bit new for an action adventure tale and I hope it makes a lot of cash.
Rating Roman Emperors Part 4 - Numbers 61 to 84
The final run of Roman Emperors - Western ones anyway...
Vetrano to Romulus Augustus
61) Vetranio - The One Who Was Allowed to Retire
A random Emperor, raised to the purple by Constantina, Constantius II's sister. He was allowed to stay in the job for a bit but was then allowed to abdicate and live a peaceful life, which I think is just plain darn cute.
Ability ** Legend ***
Vetrano to Romulus Augustus
61) Vetranio - The One Who Was Allowed to Retire
A random Emperor, raised to the purple by Constantina, Constantius II's sister. He was allowed to stay in the job for a bit but was then allowed to abdicate and live a peaceful life, which I think is just plain darn cute.
Ability ** Legend ***
62) Julian II – The Last Non-Christian One.
Immortalised by Gore Vidal’s best selling novel, Julian sticks
out as an anomaly – an intellectual who just wanted to read, but was forced to
serve the empire, trained himself into being a good military leader, almost
caused a civil war, became emperor, then went really silly with a pointless
invasion of Persia. If he’d stuck around for 20 years or so, who knows?
Christianity was too widespread to be wiped out but maybe it could have been
turned back. A fascinating character, a deserved recipient of much attention.
Ability *** Legend ****
63) Jovian – The One Who Gave Away a Chunk
to the Sassanids.
Having to taken over in the wake of Julian’s death, Jovian
was in a tough spot and signed a humiliating treating with the Sassanids. He
died shortly afterwards, apparently not by assassination.
Ability ** Legend **.
64) Valentinian I – The One Who Died of
Anger.
The last really successful Western Emperor. Owed his climb to fame to
being in the right place at the right time and not really awesome (he almost
lost Britain, would send other generals to fight on his behalf), but he did
have a great death, dying of apoplexy after being insulted by some Germans.
Ability *** Legend ***1/2
65) Valens – The One Who Lost to the Goths.
Only got the gig because of his relationship to Valentinian, didn’t do a great
job but did okay for a couple of years. However made a massive mistake trying
to tackle the Goths alone leading to the disaster at Adrianople.
Ability **1/2
Legend ***
66) Gratian – The One Who Wanted to be an
Archer.
Valentinian’s son, promoted to rule too young and without enough
experience, did okay for a bit but was eventually killed by his own troops, in
part because he liked hanging out with his archer bodyguards too much.
Ability
** Legend **
67) Valentinian II – The Teen Suicide One.
I feel for this guy – a prisoner most of his life, he was victim to
manipulative generals, his mother, politicians, other emperors and that
poisonous religious fanatic, Ambrose of Milan. Eventually gave up and killed
himself. (There are rumours he was assassinated but I feel suicide is most likey.) Crying out to be better known.
Ability * Legend ****
68) Theodosius I – the Last One to Control
it all – and who officially turned Rome Christian.
An able general (not as
legendary as his dad, who won back Britain) he had ability and did okay under
tough circumstances: the peace treaty with the Goths destablised the Empire.
But his idiot children and religious persecution of non-Christians count
against him as does him being pussy whipped by the Bishop of Milan. A decent
enough Emperor but came along at a time when they needed a superman.
Ability *** Legend ***1/2
69) Arcadius – The Pussywhipped One
Idiot son of Theodosius put in charge of the Eastern Empire but actually allowed himself to pushed around by his wife and others.
Ability ** Legend **
70) Honorius – The Impotent One.
Theodosius’s youngest useless child. Rued for an amazingly long time for such
an incompetent.
Ability * Legend ****
71) Theodosius II – The One Who Died
Falling off a Horse
Lousy Emperor of the East who gave away heaps of land and money to barbarians and introduced anti-pagan laws (Hypatia was killed during his time). Gets points for interesting death and made a good contrast with Marcian.
Ability *1/2 Legend ***
72) Constantinus III - The One Who was Honrious' Brother in Law
A power behind the throne and decent general, he married his way into the purple but didn't last long. Probably would have been an okay Emperor, better than Honorious.
Ability ** Legend **
A power behind the throne and decent general, he married his way into the purple but didn't last long. Probably would have been an okay Emperor, better than Honorious.
Ability ** Legend **
74) Valentinian III – The One Who
Assassinated Aetius
Child
emperor under whose watch Rome lost great slabs of Spain, Gaul and North Africa.
His sister Honoria asked Attila the Hun to marry her, Pope Leo persuaded
Attila not to invade Rome, and he was Aetius’ bitch for a long time. Stupidly killed Aetius
himself and was later assassinated in turn. Decent later era bad emperor.
Ability * Legend ***
75) Marcian – the One Played by Jeff
Chandler.
The film was “Sign of the Pagan” with Jack Palance as Attila the Hun. He was actually a decent Emperor, working his way up through the ranks then getting the top gig via marriage and did a lot to help stabilise the East. Stood up to the Huns.
Ability ***1/2 Legend ***
76) Petronis Maximus – The One Who Claimed
His Wife was Raped.
Encouraged Valentian to murder Aetius then claimed the Emperor raped his wife. So killed the emperor and became top dog. Those who lived by the sword... he was stoned to death.
Ability *1/2 Legend **1/2
77) Avitus - The One who was a Bishop
Came from a Gaul powerbase, which didn't help him at a time he needed all the help he could get. Was deposed by Ricimer who originally allowed him to return to being a bishop but may have been killed afterwards.
Ability *1/2 Legend **
Came from a Gaul powerbase, which didn't help him at a time he needed all the help he could get. Was deposed by Ricimer who originally allowed him to return to being a bishop but may have been killed afterwards.
Ability *1/2 Legend **
78) Majorian – The Last One Who Tried to Take it Back.
Part of the big problem in the Roman Empire towards the end was
the fact competent Emperors kept being killed. Marjorian was probably the last one with some hope of reversing all the damage, who had a few victories and ruled for a number of years but was killed by Ricimer, the power behind the throne. The thought he was tortured upsets me; its really unfair.
Ability ***1/2 Legend ***
79) Libius Severus – the One Who Was
Ricimer’s Bitch.
A pious, religious puppet. Kind of useless but it wasn't his fault. Not sure what happened to him but I like to think he died naturally.
Ability *1/2 Legend *1/2
80) Anthemius - the Last Decent One
A decent enough Emperor at a time when the was rare - he was robbed off a victory in Africa against the Vandals. Died heroically.
Ability *** Legend **
A decent enough Emperor at a time when the was rare - he was robbed off a victory in Africa against the Vandals. Died heroically.
Ability *** Legend **
81) Olybrius - the One who died of Dropsy
Another Ricimer bitch, he did little.
Ability *1/2 Legend *1/2
82) Glycerius - the One who became a Bishop
Put in charge during that chaotic period he apparently (nothing is sure from this time) was allowed to become a bishop, which is nice.
Ability ** Legend *1/2
83) Julius Nepos - the One who was Arguably the Last One
Had some time in charge but the idiot Romans couldn't get their act together and - surprise - was deposed. Went into exile and tried to get his throne back but was killed, maybe by Glycerius although that's not clear.
Movie review - Chan#26 - "Charlie Chan in Rio" (1941) **
Charlie goes on the road again, this time to Rio, which was a popular destination for Hollywood movies at the time. So it starts off in that Rio standby - a nightclub, with a Carmen Miranda type performing a number while Charlie and Number Two watch on. However it's as if the budget was blown by that one sequence because the rest of it mostly takes place in a hotel.
There's a murder, various suspects, and Charlie gathers them all in a room at the end. The Rio setting isn't really used (cf Panama in Charlie Chan Goes to Panama) but there is some different in a key plot point turns around hypnosis. There's also some romance for Number Two Son who flirts with a Chinese maid. (He wants to bring her back to Honolulu at the end but dad refuses because Number Two has been drafted - nice cockblocking, dad).
The support cast includes Victor Jory and B movie fave Mary Beth Hughes. Not bad - done professionally enough but really it all may as well have taken place in Honolulu.
There's a murder, various suspects, and Charlie gathers them all in a room at the end. The Rio setting isn't really used (cf Panama in Charlie Chan Goes to Panama) but there is some different in a key plot point turns around hypnosis. There's also some romance for Number Two Son who flirts with a Chinese maid. (He wants to bring her back to Honolulu at the end but dad refuses because Number Two has been drafted - nice cockblocking, dad).
The support cast includes Victor Jory and B movie fave Mary Beth Hughes. Not bad - done professionally enough but really it all may as well have taken place in Honolulu.
Movie review - "The Turning" (2013) **
Can a film be judged a success if you need to read a booklet afterwards to really appreciate what you saw on screen? Maybe it didn't matter for those who had read Tim Winton's original collection of short stories, but I hadn't, so I found most of the (long) running time heavy going. Seventeen different stories, many with the same themes and incidents: two amputated fingers, two marks on the face, lots and lots of young boys gazing adoringly at women they don't have the courage to approach, several alcoholics, a law student and a lawyer, some wife beaters, lots of boring life in small town WA where you'd better fish or surf or you'll wind up a boozer.
Then, reading the booklet, I discovered that the repetition was deliberate and there were several times were different actors were meant to be playing the same character. Looking back there were hints at this but I would have enjoyed the movie a hell of a lot more knowing it going in.
But at the time I didn't, and I found this agonisingly slow - the segments kept coming over the mountain, like watching one AFTRS short after another, with similar AFTRS virtues (stunning photography, excellent locations and set design, the occasional famous person) and faults (lack of narrative). Very few stories had a beginning middle and end, which I think may have been the point but I think if you go in to watch it you should beware of that. Has there ever been a feature film with seventeen segments? Seventeen? And where the segments kept hitting the same beat?
The ones I thought were good: the opening animation, Rose Byrne finding religion, and Cate Blanchett and Richard Roxburgh have a day out with Robyn Nevin, and the one where the little kid kept tuning out and living in his own world; Warwick Thornton and Justin Kurzel's were at least stylistically different. Some were amateurish, such as Susie Porter and the missing earrings (it felt like a scene from a soap), others felt undercooked like the cop and journo looking for the missing hiker, and others pointless, such as Hugo Weaving as the drifter.
This does get points for at least trying something different, it looks marvellous and there are some terrific actors; hopefully it will launch some new film careers. But I found it a hard, hard slog to get through.
Then, reading the booklet, I discovered that the repetition was deliberate and there were several times were different actors were meant to be playing the same character. Looking back there were hints at this but I would have enjoyed the movie a hell of a lot more knowing it going in.
But at the time I didn't, and I found this agonisingly slow - the segments kept coming over the mountain, like watching one AFTRS short after another, with similar AFTRS virtues (stunning photography, excellent locations and set design, the occasional famous person) and faults (lack of narrative). Very few stories had a beginning middle and end, which I think may have been the point but I think if you go in to watch it you should beware of that. Has there ever been a feature film with seventeen segments? Seventeen? And where the segments kept hitting the same beat?
The ones I thought were good: the opening animation, Rose Byrne finding religion, and Cate Blanchett and Richard Roxburgh have a day out with Robyn Nevin, and the one where the little kid kept tuning out and living in his own world; Warwick Thornton and Justin Kurzel's were at least stylistically different. Some were amateurish, such as Susie Porter and the missing earrings (it felt like a scene from a soap), others felt undercooked like the cop and journo looking for the missing hiker, and others pointless, such as Hugo Weaving as the drifter.
This does get points for at least trying something different, it looks marvellous and there are some terrific actors; hopefully it will launch some new film careers. But I found it a hard, hard slog to get through.
Rating Roman Emperors Part 3 - Numbers 41 to 60
Some more ratings of Emperors - this time from 41 to 60...
Quintillus to Constans I
Quintillus to Constans I
41) Quintillus – the One Who Got in
Aurelian’s Way.
Claudius’ brother, acclaimed by the Senate and soon dead.
Little known about him.
Achievement ** Legend *
42) Aurelian – the One Who Reunified the
Empire.
Brilliant soldier with incredible record of military achievement.
Better soldier than politician, but what an incredible soldier. Was ahead of the curve in some respects by promoting himself as the Sun God. Shockingly pointless assassination – the Romans
went from killing bad Emperors, to mediocre ones, to good ones… and now great
ones. Unbelievable. His personality lacks a little colour.
Achievement *****
Legend ***1/2
43) Tacitus – the One Who Isn’t the Tacitus.
The last emperor elected by the Senate (no one wanted the job for fear of being
blamed for Aurelian’s death), avenged Aurelian, won a few battles then died,
possibly by assassination.
Achievement **1/2 Legend **
44) Florian – the One Who Was Tacitus' Brother
Tacitus’ brother who stupidly tried to be emperor. Little known about
him, only lasted a few months before being killed by his own troops.
Ability * Legend *
45) Probus – the One Killed by His Troops
for Making Them Dig Ditches.
Aurelian II. A highly competent emperor, very skillful and successful who helped bring
an end to the Crisis of the Third Century. Stupidly assassinated. Like Aurelian, his personality could have been fleshed out a bit more.
Ability ****
Legend ***
46) Carus – the One Struck By Lightning
Started reclaiming the empire, and technically reunited it. Very short reign
but gets points for dying so interestingly.
Ability *** Legend ***
47) Numerian – the One who Rotted in His
Tent.
Ruled short period of time. Aper ruled in his stead until they smelt
Numerian’s rotting corpse. Little reliable is known about him but at least his death was novel.
Ability **
Legend **1/2
48) Carinus – the One Who Got in
Diocletian’s Way.
Son of Carus so didn’t particularly deserve to be Emperor.
Nonetheless almost beat Diocleatian until killed by own troops. Has a bad rep
but that is probably propaganda.
Ability **1/2 Legend **1/2
49) Diocletian – the One Who Actually
Retired.
Probably ranks with Augustus as the most influential Emperor because so much
of what he set in motion lasted for so long. But so much of that was dumb –
divine right of kings, controlling guilds (where you had to do what your dad
did and live where he lived forever), the creation of dioceses, persecuting
Christians, increasing taxes and the size of the public service, ignoring Mexmentius and Constantine’s blood claims, and
micromanaging. He ruled a long time and was smart and did some good things but
so many of his ideas were stupid and displayed as astonishing lack of knowledge about human nature – why did he ever think the tetrarchy would work
long term? Micromanaging and over taxing the locals? Treating everyone in the
Empire the same when the secret to its success was adaptability? How damaging
was he? Well the west fell a hundred years after him but the east went on
another thousand years… Personally I think he did far, far more damage than
good – the oppressive middle ages owes a lot to this guy. Still, he was a colourful and interesting leader and is long reign comes as a relief after so many short termers.
Achievement ***
Legend ****
50) Maximian – the One Who Couldn’t Give it
Up.
Good soldier and decent sidekick to Diocletian but not much of a
politician. Like most of them couldn’t give up power but managed to do it for
Diocletian… for a bit. Kept going back to power, his son turned against him, so
did Diocletian, led a crappy revolt against Constantine (“hey lets pretend that
Constantine is dead”) and was forced to kill himself. A good 2-I-C promoted
above his ability.
Ability **1/2 Legend **
51) Contantinus 1 – the One Who Reconquered
Britain.
Father of Constantine the Great he is also well known for not
persecuting Christians. An entirely capable, competent ruler who might have
avoided civil war had he lived longer.
Achievement **** Legend ***
52) Galerius – the One Who Diocletian
Reportedly Made Walk Alongside in a Chariot.
A bit of a super villain, Galerius
always seemed to be up to something shady, like killing Christians, keeping
Constantine hostage and being outwitted by going drunk, appointing his cronies
to absolute power, killing Italians for spite, causing trouble. He died in
agonizing pain, an emperor who wasn’t a tyrant but who made the Empire worse.
Achievement ** Legend **
53) Severus II – the One Who Was Killed by
Another Emperor After Agreeing to Surrender.
One of the tetrarchy who got the
gig as co emperor through being Galerius’ friend. Agreed to surrender to
Maxentius who killed him, the vicious little turd.
Achievement ** Legend **
54) Constantine I – The First Christian
One.
An impressive man, and was so from the beginning. A career full of great
stories: escaping from Galerius’ clutches, the vision at the Battle of the
Milvian Bridge, killing his son and his wife (the latter in a steam bath),
founding Constantinople, getting baptized on his death bed. A person of tremendous ability but he caused
civil war, left the Empire ripe for civil war, started a useless war against
the Persians.
Ability ***1/2 Legend ****
55) Maxentius – the One Who Misinterpreted
the Soothsayers about the Battle of Milvian bridge.
Son of Maximian who only
got the gig because he was Diocletian’s bitch, nonetheless Maxentius thought
absolute power was his by right. Had a long run at the top, even turning
against his own father. Lost the Battle of Milvian Bridge. I hated this guy.
Ability **1/2 Legend **
56) Maximinus II – The Last One to
Persecute Christians.
Tough Emperor out west who hated Christians and tried to
keep the persecution of them going after Diocletian died. Apparently a big boozer who liked to rape
virgins but this may be propaganda. Knocked over by Licinius.
Ability ** Legend
**1/2
57) Licinius I – The One Who Agreed to Have
his Co-Emperor Killed as Part of a Peace Treaty.
The last one knocked off by
Constantius. Promoted a co–emperor who he agreed to have killed as part of a
peace treay. At first spared but later killed.
Ability **1/2 Legend **1/2.
58) Constantine II – the One Who Was like
Fredo.
I owe that description to Mike Duncan. One of the sons of Constantine who was a bit of an idiot.
Ability ** Legend **
59) Constantinus II - the Super-Paranoid
One Who Wasn’t That Bad.
Killed many in his family but when push comes to shove
put the Empire first and didn’t do that bad a job. To be fair, everyone he
thought wanted to kill him probably did want to kill him. Despite having a
“sequel name” he’s lived on as chief villain in the story of Julian – which
isn’t that bad a way to be remembered.
Ability *** Legend ***
60) Constans I – The One Killed for Being
Gay.
A reasonably successful Emperor he put off his bodyguard through cruelties
and his behaviour. They eventually killed him.
Ability ** Legend **1/2
Movie review - Chan#25 - "Dead Men Tell" (1941) **
Director Henry Lachman really changed the look and feel of the Charlie Chans - more striking imagery, big close ups, use of "glowing" light. He goes all out here, in what is a really schizophrenic Charlie Chan film, with a whole lot of different elements: Lachman's film noir handling, a plot involving a search for treasure from the descendant of a pirate, a map that's split into four, close ups of supporting cast as opposed to the lead, and some horror movie esque scenes (such as what seems to be a murder with a hook but then turns into the more censor friendly "scared to death").
Charlie only gets involved because Number Two Son tries to stowaway on the boat - this doesn't feel like an organically Charlie Chan tale but I guess at least its different. It's not one of the best in the series - the mystery is okay - although it does provide some spooky sequences.A young George Reeves appears in the support cast.
Charlie only gets involved because Number Two Son tries to stowaway on the boat - this doesn't feel like an organically Charlie Chan tale but I guess at least its different. It's not one of the best in the series - the mystery is okay - although it does provide some spooky sequences.A young George Reeves appears in the support cast.
Friday, August 09, 2013
Rating Roman Emperors Part 2 - Numbers 21-40
Ranking the Roman Emperors continues, numbers 21 to 40.
Septimus Severus to Claudius Gothicus... incorporating the Crisis of the Third Century
Septimus Severus to Claudius Gothicus... incorporating the Crisis of the Third Century
21) Septimus Severus – The One Who Turned
Rome into a Military Dictatorship.
A hard arse who helped turn the Empire into
a military dictatorship. Great advice to his sons, impressive wife. All his
male relatives were spectacularly bad leaders. Did a pretty good job as Emperor
but a lot of bad stuff followed.
Ability **** Legend ***
(He faced two other rivals – The Albino One
and The One Who Should Have Been Emperor But Who Moved Too Slow. I reckon these feel
like they are artificially counted as emperors merely to call the year of their
deaths The Year of Five Emperors).
22) Caracalla – The One Killed Urinating.
Good
second tier tyrant. Not up in the A league like Caligula but he did
murder
his brother, kill thousands of innocent people (including a fair whack
of the
population of Alexandria for writing a play about him), build some large
baths
and was murdered while taking a piss. Lacks a little colour because he
never seemed interested in the more relatable things like sex,
gladiators or becoming a God, he just wanted power. Came across as
having a very small penis.
Ability * Legend ****
23) Geta – the One Killed by His Own
Brother.
A vile horrible little snot who seems better because he was killed
young by his elder brother. Never got much of a chance to be a real tyrant, but
I’m sure he would have.
Ability ** Legend ***
24) Macrinus – the first Equestrian One.
Interrum emperor in the time of the Severan dynasty. Probably would have done
an okay job but was too chicken to fight and was weak in not killing Severus’
heirs.
Ability **1/2 Legend **1/2
25) Elagablus – the Transgender One.
A
brilliant bad emperor with his cross dressing, multiple wives, charioteer
husband, sun god, fancy eastern ways, desire to lose his penis. Maybe his
bloodthirsty nature has been hyped but really what did he do.
Ability * Legend
*****
26) Severus Alexander – the One Good Teen
Emperor.
If Nero was a bad teen, Alexander was a good one… apart from his
inability to fight. Also couldn’t untie his apron springs. A good peace time
emperor who used a cabinet of smart advisers but a bad war time one – if he’d
had less trouble on the frontiers he might have been okay. DIdn’t deserve to be
killed, he just needed to have a hard arse on his side.
Ability *** Legend ***
27) Maximinus Thrace – the Tall Barbarian One.
Eight foot tall, a brilliant fighter, but a supporting act promoted way beyond
his abilities and helped cause the crisis of the third century. Met an end rich
in irony, killed by his own men who once admired him so after a plucky town resisted him via siege.
Ability ** Legend ****
28) Gordian I– the One Best Known for
Throwing a Big Party.
I have sympathy for Gordian I who just wanted to be left
alone to read but ws forced to rise in revolt, something for which he was
hopelessly unprepared.
Ability ** Legend ***
29) Gordian II – the One Who was son of
Gordian.
Nothing really memorable about this guy. Really you should package
both gordians together. (And you get the feeling they're artificially included to make the Year of Six Emperors.)
Ability ** Legend **
30) Pupienus & Balbinus – the Ones
Whose Merger Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.
One was a lawyer the other
was a soldier, and they were both elected by the Senate. But they lacked the
ability to get along and deal with the praetorian guard, which resulted in
their deaths. Had they been able to collaborate and a bit more nous, the 3rd
Century Crisis might not have happened. No real personality that sticks out.
Ability ** Legend *
32) Gordian III – the One Who Got the Job
when he was 13.
Another one who got away – not really Gordian, but rather his
step father Timitheus, who was a great soldier and ruler. But he died, and Gordian wound
up dead. If step father had lived he might have made a go of it. Another decent
enough teen emperor.
Ability *** Legend ***
33) Philip the Arab – the One who was an
Arab.
The second praetorian prefect who stabbed his boss and took over. Mainly
known for throwing a big party showing how awesome Rome wasright before Rome
went in the toilet and possibly being Christian. The more I know about Philip
the less I like him – a useless turd who wasn’t a tyrant, just ambitious and
stuffed things up.
Ability *1/2 Legend **
34) Trajan Decius – The First One to Die in
Battle.
Forced to accept the purple (supposedly) he actually tried to do a good
job and might have but he wasn’t a crash hot general and died in battle
with his son.
Ability ***1/2 Legend ***
35) Hostilian – the One who was descended
from Decius and no one knows anything about.
Ruled with Trebonianus.
Ability **
Legend **
36) Trebonianus Gallus – the One who might
have stopped the rot.
Forced to take over in the wake of Decius’ death he
didn’t seem to do too badly but was fatally reluctant to take on the Sassanids
and was pointlessly killed.
Ability *** Legend **
37) Aemillian – the One Who Tried to give
Power back to the Senate.
So he says. Stupidly killed Trebonianus though before
being killed in turn.
Ability * Legend **
38) Valerian – the One Killed in Captivity.
Not as bad an emperor as his fate would have it, but what an embarrassing fate…
Captured, used as a footstool then flayed and stuffed and kept as a trophy.
Ability ** Legend ***1/2
39) Gallienus – The One Who Saw The Empire
Split Into Three.
Managed to hand on for 15 years despite losing Gaul and
Palmyra. Maybe not as bad as his rep (the poor guy had nothing but troubles and
did his best), but I mean look at the scoreboard.
Ability ** Legend **
40) Claudius Gothicus – the One Who Started
the Comeback.
An excellent general whose vigorous leadership showed up Gallienus’
mediocrity. Died not long into the job (of plague, a nice non-assassination
change) but still has a pretty good record.
Rating Roman Emperors Part 1 - Numbers 1-20
For no real reason I've decided to rate the Emperors of Ancient Rome...
Augustus to Didus Julianus
Augustus to Didus Julianus
1) Augustus – the First and Best One.
Bad
at war but his best friend was good at it, so it didn’t matter. Great at
politics. Not so good with family. Intelligent, tough, smart, actually looked
to the future. Still, Rome might have been better off had Brutus defeated him
(no one ever seems to bring this up). Not as colourful as other Emperors, and has
always felt overshadowed by Julius Caesar, Cleopatra and Marc Anthony.
Ability
***** Legend ****
2) Tiberius – the One into Kinky Sex on
Capri.
Sympathetic in a Richard Nixon way. He had his responsibilities and
marriages thrust upon him but did he have to turn into such a tyrant and sex
pervert? A great example for compulsory retiring ages and banning people from
being Emperor when they didn’t actually want to do the job in the first place.
Ability *** Legend ****
3) Caligula – the One Who Promoted his
Horse.
One of the great nutters of all time. Slept with his sister, promoted
his horse, murdered countless people, sexually omnivorous, plus a coward and moron to boot. It’s amazing
he lasted as long as he did. Great ad for not letting the insane, or teenagers,
do the job.
Ability * Legend *****
4) Claudius – the Underdog Made Good One.
The greatest underdog story of all time. You can stammer, dribble, be mocked,
look like an idiot… but outsmart them all. Okay yes you’ll get murdered but ten
years of absolute power ruling the greatest empire the world has ever known is
pretty good compensation. Killed a lot of Senators, something often overlooked
or ignored.
Ability **** Legend *****
5) Nero – the One Who Wanted to Be in a
Rock Band.
Like all the Emperors around this time, astonishingly human. Just a
bratty teenager really, spoilt as hell, given unlimited power. Stole his mate’s
girlfriend, argued with his mother (having her killed and being tormented about
it), bullied by his wife then killing her, picking on Christians, wanting to be
in a band, rigging gladiatorial contests, cowardly freaking out and killing
himself. Started off okay but only because he listened to competent advisers,
then it all went downhill. A walking advertisement against inherited fortunes.
Ability *1/2 Legend *****
6) Galba – the One with Everyone Thought
Would Be Good at Emperor Until he was Emperor.
Tough, incorruptible, gay, not
up to the job. A man promoted beyond his capabilities. Hunchbacked father. Not
particularly memorable despite featuring in The 12 Caesars and in the year of four
emperors and having a first rate collection of henchmen.
Ability ** Legend **1/2
7) Otho – the One Who Killed Himself to
Stop a Civil War.
I always picture him as this decadent aristocrat with an
ability to work hard but he didn’t like to use it. Kind of like a young George
Sanders, palling around with Nero in that man’s younger days and losing a wife
to him. Wore wig to hide baldness. Went out in true style, killing himself to avoid
a civil war, giving him a dignity and unexpected depth. Should be better known.
Ability ** Legend ***1/2
8) Vitellius – the Fat One
Just wanted to
pig out and have a good time. Jabba the Hutt of Roman Emperors.
Ability *1/2
Legend ****
9) Vespasian – the One Who Actually Got
Better
One of the least memorable Emperors because he was so efficient and
competent, but I actually really like him because you look at his life and he
seems like a guy who didn’t have an overwhelming desire to become Emperor, but
went after the job because he felt he was genuinely the best option. He was
right. Funny, wry, self-deprecating – although he was partial to bribes and
ignored his youngest son. Great last line - "dear me, I must be turning into a God".
Ability ***** Legend ***
10) Titus – the One Who Gave a Good Name to
Being the Emperor’s Son
A good emperor who carked it two years into his reign
but nonetheless seems to have done a decent job – a rare example of a
hereditary monarch who lived up to his father. His life has a pleasing ‘arc’ with
going from hard man soldier to nice guy emperor. Personal life gets points from
having a forbidden affair with a Jewish queen.
Ability **** Legend ***
11) Domitian – the One Who was so Paranoid
about being assassinated they assassinated him.
Also the One who tried to copy Augustus
Recipient of some of the worst
PR because of his bad relationship with the Senate, he was actually a pretty
good emperor, if a dictator. I felt for this guy – ignored for most of his
life, then all of a sudden ruler of the known world. (He was a little like
Tiberius in that respect.) Had interesting personal elements such as killing
flies and asking people what time it was because he thought he’d be killed at a
certain hour. Loses points for not going
in hard on Dacia and poor political skills.
Ability ***1/2 Legend ***1/2
12) Nerva – the One who Was Taken Hostage
A mediocrity who has the job thrust upon him because of his age, lack of an
heir and proximity. Undeservedly grouped as a good emperor but didn’t do too
much damage and did appoint Trajan.
Ability **1/2 Legend ***
13) Trajan – the Greatest One
Another
rival for the greatest emperor. Incredible ability. Personality doesn’t grab
you. He doesn’t seem to have had any except be really smart. (The History Augusta does say he was a pederast.)
Ability ***** Legend ***
14) Hadrian – the Openly Gay One.
A lot
more human than Trajan, with his obsession for travel, handsome young lover (who he tried turning into a God),
and killing Jewish rebels.
Ability ****1/2 Legend ****1/2
15) Antoninus Pius – the One Who Did
Nothing
The Emperor who didn’t seem to do much except reign in peace for a
long time and not piss anyone off. His achievements have been downgraded because
war with foreigners followed his demise, but to me that’s cheating. An
obviously very good, not violent Emperor.
Ability ***** Legend ***
16) Lucius Verus – the One Who Could Have
Been Awful but was Kept in Check
A natural born playboy who just wanted to
party and have a good time. If he’d run the Empire on his own he could have
been an all time tyrant. But he had to work in harness with Marcus Aurelius and
has a result was surprisingly effective, mainly because he delegated important
tasks to competent people.
Ability *** Legend ***
17)
Marcus Aurelius – the Philosophic One
Philosopher, stoic, all round good guy with idiotic son. Everyone seemed to
know from an early age he was destined to be great – destiny seemed to hold him
off long enough until he was ready. Had to deal with plague, Parthians, Germans
and rebellions… possibly saved the Empire. If he’d hung on another ten years
and conquered the Germans who knows what else would have happened?
Ability
***** Legend *****
18) Commodus – the Gladiator One
A
terrific character. Spoilt brat, keen to fight as a gladiator, fond of killing
cripples and dwarves. He started off as a standard tyrant (lots of games,
treason trials, killing senators) with the gladiator twist. Got more and more
crazy, thinking he was descended from Hercules and naming the country after
him. The beginning of the end for Rome.
Ability * Legend *****
19) Pertinax – the One Killed by his guards
for being too Honest
A highly competent soldier done in by his poor political
skills. Made a major mistake not appealing to the army and might have been a
decent Emperor if given the chance. The first emperor assassinated who didn’t
really deserve it. Must have sensed it, refusing to promote his family to higher honours.
Ability *** Legend ***
20) Didus Julianus – the One Who Bought the
Job at Auction
Apparently an alright guy who made the massive mistake of
buying the Emperor-ship at auction and not surprisingly wound up dead. This
fact stands out more than anything in his personality or anything he said or
did.
Ability ** Legend ***1/2
Tuesday, August 06, 2013
Movie review - Chan#24 - "Murder Over New York" (1940) **1/2
No exotic location this time, just good old New York - indeed, this is a more conventional Charlie Chan story, a straight up whodunnit (although it starts off as a secret agent war story it settles down to a more old fashioned mystery). He's looking into the death of a friend, a British secret agent (although the US was neutral at this stage, Charlie Chan is on the side of the Allies), and encounters some lively suspects including Richardo Cortez, John Sutton and Melville Cooper and Majorie Weaver. Clarence Muse is on hand in a sort of role black actors were often required to play: a scared servant.
Harry Lachman directed and brings a different feel - there are lots of close ups and sweaty faces and tough interrogation sequences. Its almost film noir-ish. The mystery has plenty of twists and turns and Toler still isn't any good; there are no surprises but it's well done.
Harry Lachman directed and brings a different feel - there are lots of close ups and sweaty faces and tough interrogation sequences. Its almost film noir-ish. The mystery has plenty of twists and turns and Toler still isn't any good; there are no surprises but it's well done.
Movie review - Chan#23 - "Charlie Chan in Panama" (1940) ***
A different sort of locale for Charlie to wind up in - Panama, which isn't often used as a setting for the movies, but World War Two had started and the canal's strategic importance had skyrocketed. Charlie Chan is being used as a sort of secret agent to investigate sabotage of the canal by unnamed foreign powers.
This is an enjoyable mystery - the spy/war angle gives it freshness, as does the fact it takes place in Panama; there's an entertaining collection of possible suspects, including a shady scientist, a spinster, a cigarette salesman, a singer. Lionel Atwill offers pleasing support and there's good pace.
This is an enjoyable mystery - the spy/war angle gives it freshness, as does the fact it takes place in Panama; there's an entertaining collection of possible suspects, including a shady scientist, a spinster, a cigarette salesman, a singer. Lionel Atwill offers pleasing support and there's good pace.
Sunday, August 04, 2013
Movie review - "Wild Strawberries" (1957) ****
Ingmar Bergman's road trip - an old professor is going to accept an award and in doing so meets people who sheds light on his life, and flashes back to important incidents. He has quite a large car which can fit several people - his pregnant daughter in law, some kids who are hitchhiking, a squabbling couple whose car he hits.
This has a great archetypal idea - reflecting on your life while being honoured. I think a lot of viewers would watch this and daydream "I wonder what I would think looking back at this time". I know I did.
The professor has nightmares, less stressful dreams, remembers a childhood home and falling in love. A lot of this was surprisingly broad: comedy at a family dinner, including gags involving twins and a paterfamilias with an enormous mustache; the young hitchhikers feel more like caricatures of young people than real characters (they don't compare well with the young people in love in Bergman's earlier movies). Ingrid Thulin is very pretty but I wouldn't rank her efforts with the great Bergman female performances.
However Victor Sjostrom is superb as the professor (what a great face) and there are some incredible bits such as the dream sequences, the devastating chat between the unhappily married couple, Thulin's matter of fact treatment of her life. Many memorable images too. Woody Allen has clearly plundered it several times.
This has a great archetypal idea - reflecting on your life while being honoured. I think a lot of viewers would watch this and daydream "I wonder what I would think looking back at this time". I know I did.
The professor has nightmares, less stressful dreams, remembers a childhood home and falling in love. A lot of this was surprisingly broad: comedy at a family dinner, including gags involving twins and a paterfamilias with an enormous mustache; the young hitchhikers feel more like caricatures of young people than real characters (they don't compare well with the young people in love in Bergman's earlier movies). Ingrid Thulin is very pretty but I wouldn't rank her efforts with the great Bergman female performances.
However Victor Sjostrom is superb as the professor (what a great face) and there are some incredible bits such as the dream sequences, the devastating chat between the unhappily married couple, Thulin's matter of fact treatment of her life. Many memorable images too. Woody Allen has clearly plundered it several times.
Thursday, August 01, 2013
Movie review - Chan#18 - "Charlie Chan in Reno" (1938) ***
The second Toler Chan epic has the novel setting among the divorcees of Reno, Nevada - who are depicted as smoking cigarettes and going to nightclubs. Chan gets dragged in because a divorcee accused of murder is an old friend from Honolulu - her divorcing husband is convinced she's innocent and asks Charlie to help, which gives this a different, more mature impulse because there's a subplot about a couple reuniting. Number Two Son takes a break from college studies in LA to help out and winds up arrested.
This was a lot of fun, being full of wisecracking divorcees, and Slim Summerville provides some amusing comedy as a slow talking local detective who uneasily teams with Charlie. There's also Richardo Cortez as a shady doctor, Number Two Son gets a romance, the mystery is strong with some hypodermic needle action, and Norman Foster directs briskly. Toler isn't that good as usual but it isn't as noticeable here because Summerville and Number Two carry as much of the action.
This was a lot of fun, being full of wisecracking divorcees, and Slim Summerville provides some amusing comedy as a slow talking local detective who uneasily teams with Charlie. There's also Richardo Cortez as a shady doctor, Number Two Son gets a romance, the mystery is strong with some hypodermic needle action, and Norman Foster directs briskly. Toler isn't that good as usual but it isn't as noticeable here because Summerville and Number Two carry as much of the action.
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