Book review - "Congo" by Michael Crichton (1980)

 Fast paced, exciting, silly: talking gorillas, killer gorillas, great stuff. There's a mercenary role for Sean Connery, a hard tough talking woman, a nerdy guy, some porters to be killed. Plenty of science gobbledygook. Entertaining.

Movie review - "Drums of Africa" (1963) **

 Producer Al Zimbalist re-used Kong Solomons Mines footage for Watusi and does it again here, to even less effective results. To give him his due, the script does try  - Robin Estridge did it and there's lots of chat between Lloyd Bochner and Mariette Hartley about love and stuff, which implies ambition. But it lacks decent exploitation - pace, sex, twists. Foreigners are dodgy, whites know best, the black Africans try. The action is unexciting. A comic evidence is underutilised. Hartley's nude swum is lively.

Michael Pate is in it as a dodgy Portugese and Ron Whlenis in it as a ship's captain. Frankie Avalon is professional, charming and can sing but sorry he just looks weird in Africa. His part could've been cut out. Bochner has a deep voice but that's it, really.

Torin Thatcher plays a version of Allan Quatermain who is given a different name for some reason. Hartley does her best.

Movie review - Jungle Jim#15 - "Jungle Moon Men" (1955) **1/2

 The second "Johnny Weismuller" Jungle Jim again has a very good story, one of the strongest in the series, though the handling isn't up to it.

This gleefully pillages from H Rider Haggard's She as Johnny goes on an expedition with Jean Byron to the interior to rescue some random dude who has been kidnapped by little people. They work for an immortal queen (Helen Stanton). Bill Henry is also along for the ride - the queen falls for him and tries to marry him but Weismuller does a swap, offering himself in his place.

The film really should have made more of Stanton and Weismuller - Stanton seems very free and easy about who she'll hook up with. There are some villainous diamond hunters as well.

The handling isn't that good but I love Haggard so enjoyed the story and it was different. This is when Jungle Jim stories were best: outlandish fantasies.

Movie review - "King Solomon's Mines" (1985) ***

Fun, broad, silly. It's much hated but I liked it - the filmmakers had a vision and they executed it. It's not terribly faithful to the original story but it has some elements. Dick Chamberlain is clearly having the time of her life and Sharon Stone is acting her arse off. Her success in Basic Instinct surprised people but not those of us who saw her shine in this and Irreconcilable Differences. She and Chamberlain are a likeable duo - I'm always hesitant to read too much into actor's sexualities but there's a safeness about Chamberlain with her which means he doesn't give off a rapey or lecherous vibe.

The antics are colourful and the energy levels high. Sometimes it just gets silly like with the airplane sequence and when they're in a cooking pot.

There's a decent budget, the African locations help, as does the rousing music score and a cast that includes Herbert Lom, John Rhys-Davies and Ken Gampu. I liked this! (Admit it may be in part because I watched it at the cinema when I was young.)


 

Movie review - "Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold" (1987) *1/2

Shot simultaneously with King Solomon's Mines this has an even worse reputation but I found it amiable.... for the first half hour. Then it just got sillier and sillier and in the end was a chore.

Okay the positives:
* location filming in Africa
* it surprisingly faithful to the novel Allan Quatermain
* I always enjoy Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone
* James Earl Jones pops up as Umslopogaas - and we see Umslopogaas
* Elvira pops up as a sexy vicious queen
* Henry Silva is in it

Now for the negatives:
* the lost civilisation just looks stupid full of white people and everyone walking around in robes - I know this is in the novel but surely there was a way of doing it that was less dumb
* the conflict between the sisters is undercooked, the mechanisms in the kingdom was confused
* Henry Silva looks ridiculous in a turban and brownface
* they go nothing with Umslopogaas they may as well cut him out of the film
* there's no romance when people get there - Chamberlain and Stone are coupled up giving Stone nothing to play
* Chamberlain's brother is played by Martin Rabbett with toothpaste model teeth and shiny blonde hair who looks like a cardigan model... and his presence only makes sense when you realise he was Chamberlain's partner in real life (Chamberlain does seem particularly animated in their scenes together) - Rabbett's romance with Aileen Marson is really undercooked
* they waste Elvira
* Robert Donner's comically cowardly Arab feels like typical Cannon Film anti-Arab bias
* the action scenes and jokes are dumb.

Ugh. It's just bad. I liked the first movie! Not this.

Movie review - "She" (1965) ***1/2 (re-watching)

Some observations
- it was a mistake I feel to introduce Ayesha so early - having her turn up at an apartment near the town just feels silly... I know why they did it, to get her in sooner (otherwise she doesn't appear til the 45 minute mark) but they didn't do it right... maybe it could've worked as a dream?
- Peter Cushing is very good but wasted as Holly - he should've done more, fell for Ayesha himself
- I was surprised how much screen time John Richardson gets - it's really his film more than Ayesha's... he's okay... he's a funny looking guy with that blonde hair and sun tan and tormented look - not easy to cast, I imagine
- Bernard Cribbins is very good as Job - so too Andre Morrell.
- Ursula Andress is an outstanding Ayesha
- I forgot how many scenes consisted of Andress and Richardson just sitting around talking.

This remains an entertaining, full blooded adventure - location filming in Israel really helps as does the superior cast and score. There's decent action - the brawl at the beginning (I wonder if the shift to 1918 Palestine was inspired by Lawrence of Arabia), the final uprising - and some good set design. The Roman Empire uniforms on Ayesha's guards look silly - presumably Hammer got a deal on them from Cleopatra or something.

Some memorable moments such as Morell being presented with his daughter's ashes and Ursula Andress being transformed into a withered old thing.

Movie review - "She" (1935) ** (re-watching) (warning: spoilers)

A second viewing of this big flop from the team that made King Kong. Despite a best selling source novel and talented people, it's a mess. I love the novel, I love King Kong, I wanted this to be good, but it isn't.

The main problems:

- The character of Holly is pointless. You could remove him from the whole film and it wouldn't matter. As played by Nigel Bruce he's not that interesting. I mean he doesn't have to be like he is in the book - ugly, falling in love with She - but at least he has a point in the book. Here he does nothing. If he was removed Helen Mack's character could do everything he does.

- Leo/Randolph Scott doesn't fall for She. He's tempted by her for a couple of minutes but quickly comes to his senses and dislikes her. He falls in love with Helen Mack too which is dull (Scott's performance is awkward but he does have the right look). At the end he doesn't want to go into the flame because of Ayesha he does it so Mack isn't killed. That's dumb.

- The film has this awful bias towards Helen Mack (as Tanya a combination of a few women who annoyed She) - she's a loving dopey idiot who just wants to hang around Leo. To be fair she was that in the book too but at least in the book she was killed, here she gets the guy.

- The natives look silly. I know this is a problem for many films of this era but the locals of Kor look particularly dopey in their sub-Egyptian outfits.

- Helen Gahagan isn't up to the part. She doesn't have the looks - she's pretty enough but Ayesha needs to be captivating.

- There's this massive production number towards the end, before everyone goes off to the Spirit of Life, which is completely pointless. Lots of dancing and singing and carry on - as if the filmmakers were worried there wasn't enough spectacle. They could cut it out of the film and nothing would have mattered.

- There's not enough action. Just a lot of jumping around. The movie is dull.

What I did like:

- some of the sets

- shifting the action to the Arctic, this worked fine - things like discovering corpses in the

- the make up when Ayesha disintegrated was fine.

It has a sort of King Kong feel - it's about an expedition to an exotic part of the world, there are three key players, one of whom is lusted after by a foreign beast, another one who loves the lustee. But Kong had a genuine sense of wonder. You have the Robert Armstrong character driving a lot of the action - he had something to do. You felt for Kong - he beat up other creatures on the island, and fell in love (they give nothing heroic for She to do). It feels as though the filmmakers didn't like Ayesha

Book review - "Finished" by H Rider Haggard

I was looking forward to this because it dealt with the Zulu War but this is a disappointing book. It spends far too much time on a not very interesting story with Allan Quatermain hanging around with yet another aristocratic male he's going on a shooting trip with. They come across a house where there are some creepy things going on, which is promising, but it soon turns conventional again with the aristocrat falling in love with a girl and them fleeing. Things perk up when Quatermain gets stuck in Zululand just before the Anglo Zulu War with a quite sympathetic depiction of the dilemma Cetewayo found himself in. Then Quatermain winds up at the Battle of Isandlwana which Haggard says too often "well you know what happened then so I won't describe it" - I want him to describe it! Still, it's exciting stuff, and carries us even when the dull aristocrats come back. A bigger role is given to dwarf Zikali here but nothing much new - he wants revenge, he tells everyone he wants revenge. How about a plot twist?Look this isn't bad - I mean, it's got Isandlwana - I just felt let down considering its subject matter.

Movie review - "Siren of Atlantis" (1949) **1/2

Supposedly based on a novel but it feels very much influenced by H Rider Haggard's She. This was the first movie made by Maria Montez after she left Universal, and is pretty much like the sort of film she made for them - with the crucial difference of it not being in colour. This is extremely frustrating.

Still, it's enjoyable in that junky way. Her real life husband Jean Pierre Aumont, who isn't very charismatic, is a French Foreign Legion officer who is discovered in the desert. He talks about Atlantis and killing his friend. It turns out he was lured to a lost kingdom of Atlantis ruled by a beautiful queen who has a liking for hunky men - she uses them and spits them out, with Henry Daniell as her pimp.

That's a campy set up and to add to the fun there's some exotic dances and scenes of Montez playing chess, and men being tormented by desire. Plus there's some stylish shots such as Aumont being covered in sand. Maria isn't very good - she's looking a bit old to be honest - but she does add to this piece's charm.

Book review - "Allan and the Holy Flower" (1915) by H Rider Haggard

You get the feeling Haggard wrote this for money because it's basically rehashed ingredients from earlier Allan Quatermain adventures: an expedition to the interior with two other white men (one an aristocrat the other an eccentric) plus a really tough native with an exotic past; one of the other white men is looking for a long lost relative; visiting a mysterious civilisation; white queens (well, priestesses); brave natives giving up their lives for the whites; villainous rulers, secret caverns, treasure (in this case a flower).

For all that I still enjoyed it - the action moves along at a fair clip, there are some exciting bits and sequences (such as Hans revealing he had the gun). It's minor Haggard and he's a bit lazy but it has pace.

Book review - "Child of Storm" by H Rider Haggard

Part 2 in Haggard's Zulu trilogy, this centres around a civil war between two sons of the Zulu Chief, Panda, in which Quatermain is involved. He's mostly an observer in this story though, not it's not as good as Marie, where he was centre stage. Quatermain doesn't really have any stakes in it - he likes one brother more than the other, but he's not really involved.

The cause of the civil war is a woman, the sexy Mameena - another in Haggard's long line of hot, mischievous African babes. She has the hots for Quatermain at one stage but he doesn't go there - it's a shame, the poor guy could have used some release other than with a gun (and prevented a civil war in the meantime). But actually Mameena's role is surprisingly small - she's set up to do all this manipulative stuff, but we hear about it mostly through reportage, which isn't as fun. Also you never really buy she's into Quatermain.

There are some good action scenes, some interesting African characters, I like how Mameena keeps twisting these guys around her finger. But it's not top-rank Haggard.

Book review - "Marie" by H Rider Haggard

I really enjoyed this book even though it was a bit cheeky of Haggard to give Allan Quartermain another wife - "oh yeah didn't I mention her? Yeah I married her before Stella - told Stella all about her." Right. 

But it's one of his most exciting novels, full of terrific action sequences - the initial siege of the farmhouse, Quatermain's trek to join the starving Voortrekkers, visiting the Zulu chief's kraal, the final massacre of the Boers, two shooting competitions (one ho-hum, the other very exciting with life and death stakes) Quatermain's  court martial and escape. 

The character of Marie is sketchily drawn (she's young and pretty and that's it) - there's a villainous rival in her lecherous cousin and further complications provided by her half-mad father. Both these things feel like they are straight out of Victorian stage melodramas (complete with a very unconvincing death bed confession with exonerates the hero) and the villain is so naughty you're surprised he's allowed to get away with what he does, but its provides for effective structure. The English-Boer clash adds to the drama (Marie is a Boer and her father is opposed to Quatermain). 

Like a lot of Quatermain books it has a melancholy quality because you know that the hero is going to be widowed.

Book review - "Nada the Lily" by H Rider Haggard (warning: spoilers)

Not as well known as She or King Solomon's Mines and not as good structurally - it's a bit all over the shop in places and occasionally repeats (two tyrannical Zulu kings getting overthrown) - but it's a wonderful, sweeping epic, full of action, pain, romance, blood and regret. It's only a quarter of the way through and we've already had people driven out of their kingdoms, blood feuds, making friends with a future king, vengeance, romance, separate siblings. 

Mopo flees to the kingdom of Shaka with his sister, who the king takes as his wife. She gives birth to a son, who Shaka wants dead (so no heir will grow up to overthrow him) but Mopo fakes the death and raises him as his own. He grows up to be Umslopogaas, who we know will die in Allan Quartermain, giving his a bittersweet quality, and who falls for his supposed sister Nada the Lily, who he later finds out he can marry.

It's melodramatic, passionate and terrific, full of great characters: brave Umslopogaas, Gwali the wolf king (his ally), wily Mopo, the beautiful Nada (so hot she causes wars), Umslopogaas' jealous wife, the mediocre tyrant Dingane, various witch doctors and brave Zulu warriors. There are hardly any white people in it - mostly Boers who are referred to rather than participate in action.

Wonderful dramatic scenes, such as Shaka wiping out Mopos's family, the rescue of young Umslopogaas, the death of Nada while holding his hand through a gap in the cage, Gwali's brave death fighting off scores of men with his wolves nearby. It's a cracking read and someone should make a film out of it.

Book review - "Cleopatra" (1889) by H Rider Haggard (warning: spoilers)

Not long after he wrote She Haggard came up with another tale set in an exotic land about a handsome man who falls for a beautiful, ruthless queen and pays the price. This of course is based on a true story, very well-trodden territory - but Haggard has come up with a great, fresh take: it's told from the POV of Harmachis an Egyptian who wants to be Pharaoh and is determined to have a coup to knock off the Greek Cleopatra. It starts after Julius Caesar but before Anthony and ends with Cleopatra's death.

Haggard loved his bewitching queens, and Cleopatra comes across well - hot, sexy, partial to a good looking guy, smart, human, patriotic in her own way... There's also another strong female character in the Egyptian lady who loves Harmachis so much her jealousy causes her to thwart Egypt. Harmachis is a bit of a drip through - he's got top plan to knock off Cleopatra which collapses at the sight of some boob; he allows himself to be pussywhipped, even leading Cleopatra to a secret tomb she raids for jewels (another similarity with She -  going into a tomb with a hot queen). Then he gets involved in "revenge" against Cleopatra by throwing spanners in the wrench when she and Anthony are up against Octavian - this doesn't come across as particularly believable, because Cleopatra surely would have recognised him.

There's a lot of flowery dialogue and religious ceremonies and people talking to their Gods. Still, it's an enjoyable tale, helped along by an epic sweep, the fact it was an exciting time and it's told from the POV of an Egyptian as opposed to a Roman, some good sequences (invading the tomb, a shipwreck).

Book review - "Maiwa's Revenge" by H Rider Haggard

A short novel comprising of a very long anecdote told by Allan Quatermain which breaks into two parts - Quatermain on an elephant hunt, which is a little dull to be honest, and an adventure where he helps rescue a captured English hunter and avenge an African princess whose husband killed her baby. This is exciting and has novelty of Quatermain working on behalf of a black woman (another strong female character from Haggard) and leading black troops. As if out of fear this might seem liberal he emphasises he wouldn't have gone had it not been for the Englishman. Some good action and a lot of dead elephants.

Book review - "Allan's Wife" by H Rider Haggard (warning: spoilers)

The early adventures of Allan Quatermain, covering his childhood, early years in Africa and very short lived marriage to the woman who gave birth to his son. It's not a major epic like King Solomon's Mines or Allan Quatermain but it doesn't containing some exciting and moving moments. Fans will enjoy reading about where Quatermain came from (mother died young, dad and he moved to South Africa, Dad was a clergyman), even if it's more of a prologue.

The story only gets going when Quatermain's dad carks it and Allan heads off on a trek. He meets a wise old African who performs a series of magic tricks, which is dull, and there's some shooting of local fauna, which is even duller but things perk up when they come across some Boers on a trek. There's a Zulu attack, most of the Boers are wiped out except one baby, Quatermain and his friend head off and discover an isolated kraal run by a white man and his beautiful daughter, Stella, Stella and Allan fall in love (well, it's not as though they've got a lot of choice if they're going to turn their noses up at the locals), and have some happiness before her pre-ordained demise.

Some of this is silly - did Stella really have to be a long-lost childhood playmate of Quatermain's? - and the magic powers of the wise old wizard feels like plot cheating too many times (e.g. creating visions to find where Stella has been taken), but there are some good action sequences (attack on the Boers, the rescue of Stella), and a terrific villain in the human raised by baboons who is obsessed with Stella. I'm surprised Haggard introduced this Boer baby who Quatermain and Stella look after and didn't bring her back for subsequent adventures. The ending is quite moving (although the time line took a while to wrap my head around - from my calculations it took Stella eight months to die at the kraal). Enough colour and movement to make you wonder why it was never adapted.

Book review - "Hammer Fantasy and Sci Fi" by Bruce Hallenbeck

There was more to Hammer than horror and this is a long-over due book, focusing on their fantasy and sci-fi films (the completist in me wishes that someone would do a similar one for their psycho thrillers, swashbucklers, war tales and crime dramas... not really their comedies, though). The introductory summaries of science fiction and fantasy feels perfunctory but the book gets better once it start talking about Hammer's films.

In hindsight, Hammer's record with sci fi and fantasy is very impressive - the Quatermass movies that put them on the map, X the Unknown (which really started Jimmy Sangster's writing career), The Abominable Snowman, One Million Years BC (which produced the most famous Hammer image), She, The Damned... these movies rank with the best the studio ever came up with. However when they went wrong they really went wrong - Creatures that Time Forgot and Moon Zero Two helped wreck the company and rank with the worst movies Hammer ever made.

This is an enthusiastic book which perhaps over relies a little too much on secondary sources and could have had more detail but has plenty of pictures and is full of interesting stories, like the troubles making When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth and The Lost Continent (major head ache epics). Michael Carreras was more of a creative figure for these films - not always to their benefit. I enjoyed the critical round ups of the movies, particularly the appreciation of The Damned.

Radio review –BBC – “She” (2006) ***

Solid two-part production of the famous H Rider Haggard story with some decent acting, including Tim McInnerny as Holly. Job comes across a lot more reasonable here than he does on the page (pointing out being civilised doesn't mean you're not cruel and mean). I was struck what a whimp Leo was - he doesn't realise his attractiveness, never takes advantage of it, can't intervene to save Ustane. It doesn't quite get the atmosphere of the country where they live, but at least gives attention to the Holly-She relationship (his ugliness, attraction to She and rivalry with Leo) which always seems to be discounted in film adaptations.

Movie review – “King Solomon’s Mines” (1937) ***

Solid version of the classic adventure novel, a lot more faithful and, to my eyes at least, better than the 1950 MGM version. Sir Cedric Hardwicke’s Quatermain is much closer to Haggard’s inception of the character, being small, old and wizened. Spunk-rat duties are taken by John Loder, who plays Sir Henry Curtis, and comic relief comes from Roland Young as Good – both good facsimiles for the description in the novel. There’s also Paul Robeson on hand as Umbopa, and he’s terrific – charismatic, strong and brave. A wise savage to be sure, but it’s a lot better than the one he plays in Sanders of the River; the white men here are his allies, but not his superiors – he’s the boss. He sings a few songs, naturally.

 

The story has been jazzed up and unnecessarily complicated. Instead of simply looking for Curtis’ brother, they add Anna Lee and her father as some Irish fortune hunters; the dad finds the map and heaps off, and Lee eventually persuades Quatermain and the others (who are on a hunting expedition) to follow. Unlike the MGM version - and like the book - the trek doesn't take up that much time, about half; the rest of it consists of adventures around the mines, helping Umbopa get his kingdom back and discovering the diamonds. 

 

It's a solid version rather than spectacular (it does lack star charisma aside from Robeson and the Irish accents are irritating), but very enjoyable.

Movie review – “The Vengeance of She” (1967) **

Although H Rider Haggard wrote a an acceptable sequel to She, Ayesha, Hammer decided to come up with their own sequel to their 1965 film, although it re-uses several characters. This one is set in the present day an actually starts quite eerily with Olinka Berova someone walking along a deserted road – then promptly gets silly with a truck driver trying to rape her, but said truck driver is run over by his truck. The girl winds up on the French Riviera on a yacht owned by rich dissolute Colin Blakely, and including his wife and psychiatrist (Edward Judd)! Berova jumps off the ship and Blakely has a heart attack rescuing her. She takes off in North Africa and Judd decides to follow her.

This isn’t much of a set up. The girl is driven by visions in her head but isn’t that keen to find whatever is driving her. (The jazz longue music score doesn’t help). The shrink takes off after her but not until around 40 minutes in (he’s accompanied by the ship’s captain) – and we’ve never really established that he’s obsessed with her. (When the girl falls out of the water its Blakely not Judd who rescues her.)

It’s so unexotic – Judd’s a shrink for God’s sake. He goes looking for her in a jeep –that’s not adventurous (where are the camels, the feeling of being cut off from civilisation). And it’s set in the present day. (NB It also feels as though some scenes have been cut out around this point). I always remembered Edward Judd’s performance from this film as a prime example of the not-really-attractive-enough-too-old-British-leading-man – there’s a bunch of them in British cinema, including Ian Hendry in Theatre of Blood. His character isn’t very likeable – why is it so great Berova goes off with Judd, who manipulates her mind, instead of Richardson? They’re both brainwashers. (Richardson looks old and tired here, much more so than the previous film even though this was only made a few years later.)

On the sunny side Berova is very attractive, genuinely looks like she could be a reincarnation of Andress, and frequently walks around with not much on. And some of the supporting players are fine. But the whole film is a great opportunity missed.