Movie review - "Gigli" (2003) * (warning: spoilers)

 A famous bomb. Ben Affleck tries and Jennifer Lopez has never looked hotter which is saying something. Some problems

- there's a lot of hanging around a flat, with a kidnap victim, so the movie has no pace

- Lopez is a lesbian but we spend a lot of time with Affleck and Lopez flirting and then they fall in love.

- kidnap victim Justin Bartha is a Simple Jack character

- there is no pooint to the kidnapping, they do to help Al Pacino then Al Pacino comes along and says "we don't do that" so all the threat was removed.  

I can't see how the film was ever going to work with Affleck falling for a lesbian... and her wanting to be with him. I know why they did it but it was wrong. 

Bartha is never going to get together with the girl at the end. Not really. And she has a terrible Australian accent. 

Martin Brest was not a writer.

A story without stakes, a tricky subject (man falls for lesbian) not dealt with, another tricky subject (intellectually disabled man is kidnapped) poorly handled. 

Movie review - "Interrupted Melody" (1955) ***1/2

 Decent biopic which has terrific source material - Aussie girl seeks to become opera singer, falls for doctor, they argue over career versus marriage, she gets polio, makes a comeback singing to troops.

Eleanor Parker is a little dull just playing ordinary but comes alive in opera scenes and when she emotes in wheelchairs and considers suicide. Roger Moore is okay as the brother - probably needed to be more of an atagonist. Glenn Ford is strong - has something to play. Cecil Kellaway as dad.

Aussie touches are limited - opening scenes up until around 10 minutes, and with Lawrence/Parker singing 'Waltzing Matilda' to Aussie troops. 

Movie review - "China Passage" (1937) **

 I only watched this because it starred Jocelyn Howarth, here retitled Constance Worth. 

It's a not bad B from RKO about shenanigans on a boat from China, searching for a missing jewel. It's a great part for Worth - she seems to be a shady lady but is revealed to be an agent, and has to bust the mystery with the lead guy Vinton Haworth. She gets to round up the suspects at the end and be active.

He's a little dull. Worth isn't that amazing it must be admitted. She's fine. You can see why she couldn't get out of B pictures. 

There's a drunk character who keeps thinking the boat is going to Sydney. That has novelty. 

Movie review - "Strange Intruder" (1956) **

 Based on an Australian novel (by Helen Fowler) which was about a returning POW - this one updates it to the Korean War. It confirms Edmund Purdom was too bland to be a star.  He's given a meaty role as a traumatised POW to seeks out the wife and kid of his dead mate. The role is completely beyond Purdom's abilities.

The tension comes from Purdom promising to kill his mate's kids because the mate's wife has been unfaithful. That's terrifyying , but it works if Purdom is a psycho - and he is a psycho and we need to think he's going to kill the kids.

The movie should have been told from Ida Lupino's point of view, so we play the mystery of this guy and have her fall in love with him and investigate what happened. But it's told from Purdom's point of view and we never really feel he's going to kill the kids.

Purdom is embarassingly bad. Jacques Bergerac isn't much better as Lupino's new squeeze. Lupino watches on, no doubt aware she should have played Purdom's role. They could've made the POWs some nurses in Korea. 

Movie review - "Castaway" (1986) **1/2

 Intriguing - Oliver Reed puts ad in paper for woman to live on island with him for a year. They have sex before even going out there and the relationship is explored. 

It's patchy, erratic, always watchable. Amanda Donahue isn't as naked on screen as often as I'd been led to believe. She's excellent. Great to see Reed in a decent role for a change. 

The island is located near Australia and there are some Aussie characters in it. 

Movie review - "633 Squadron" (1964) ***

 Plane buffs love this movie. Solid guys on a mission flick the mission being to blow up something in Norway. Not well directed and the casting of the leads seems off - Cliff Robertson as an American, George Chakiris as a Norwegian.

But the support cast are fine - including John Meillion as an Aussie. It gets points for wiping out most of the squadron. Final attack influential on Star Wars. 

Movie review - "In Harm's Way" (1965) ***

 Big Otto Preminger movie which has mini series vibes but star power to carry it - John Wayne and Kirk Douglas up top, Burgess Meredith and Patricia Neal to the side. Brandon de Wilde isn't up to playing Wayne's son but I like that Neal is age-ish approprate for Wayne.

The movie is enjoyably adult and that women are given prominent roles. Gorgeous black and white photography and production values.

Franchot Tone looks as though he's about to drop dead. The whole subplot of Tom Tryon and Paula Prentiss could be cut out. The scene where Douglas decides to rape Jill Haworth is very powerful. Douglas is given a heroic death. Stuff him. Haworth is likeable, Neal very good.

Feels like a movie that could've been trimmed down - it didn't have to run this long. Annoying Stanley Holloway plays an Aussie coastwatcher. I guess he was coming off My Fair Lady.

I enjoyed this. Tells a story, looks great, war, sex, movie stars. 

 

Movie review - "Sea of Sand" (1958) ***

 Rare "A" film from Tempean Pictures is actually pretty good - a long range patrol movie, with various Brit types. There's tired conflict between casual Michael Craig and by the book John Gregson, but everyone can act - there's also Richard Attenborough, Percy Herbert. Location filming in the desert helps.

The addition of a female character would have too. Weird how there was a bunch of desert war films around this time eg No Time to Die, Ice Cold in Alex. 

Vincent Ball plays an Aussie.

The movie isn't bad yet frustration with continually playing war films led to Craig and Attenborough making The Angry Silence. 

Movie review - "The Captain's Table" (1959) ***

 A lovely surprise - from the works of Richard Gordon who did the doctor books only it wasn't from Ralph Thomas and Betty Box and Dirk Bogarde didn't star. John Gregson is a ship's captain being pursued by women and dealing with several adventures and troublesome passengers.

The film is more sexually sophisticated - horny passengers want to get married, the pursuer is gay, there are leggy women. The ship is going to Australia and Aussies Bill Kerr and June Jago are loud Aussies on board.

Jack Lee directed with a nice light touch. Fun movie. 

Movie review - "You Know What Sailors Are Like" (1954) **

 Rank really liked Donald Sinden. Here is is as a young naval officer caught up in an Arab country which think the Brits have a weapon when they don't. Appparently the original novel on which this is based had more point. Maybe.

Rank invested in colour and elaborate sets, the film pushes Sinden as a hunk (he's often without his shirt), there are Arab harem women like a 1950s Universal movie, I'm sure the lechers went through then, yet still in a studio that had Kay Kendall and Diana Dors under contract the dull Sarah Lawson is the lead. When Lawson goes undercover as a harem girl at the end it should be funny - imagine the Carry On girls doing it - but it's not.

The movie starts of with three sailors and it should have had three sailors all the way through - it mostly has Sinden, although Bill Kerr joing him an hour in and the action perks up. It's fun to see him as an Aussie.

Kenneth More wanted to play the lead but it was after Genevieve had been shot and before it was released. That was a mistake. 

This movie seemed to go on forever despite gorgeous colour, sets and girls, there was just something plodding about it. Director Ken Annakin later admitted farce wasn't his natural genre and he was right.

Movie review - "Spanish Fly" (1976) **

Sigh. I mean... well. A film cobbled together to give Canadian distributors a Leslie Philips film. 

This feels like an Australian sex comedy written by Alan Hopgood. There's nudity. Phillips is sleazy. Terry Thomas is fine, even if protected - his Parkinson's was worsening. You can't tell. 

Some women go nude. There's a little bit of sex. Plot involves Terry Thomas inventing an aphrodisiac. Feels cobbled together. I don't think I laughed once. The Spanish locations are a point of difference. There's an Aussie character.

The women are pretty. Director Bob Kellett keeps it all moving. Mostly. Sometimes the film feels padded, to put it politely, like when everyone is dancing. Feels wrong to have kids in it - they're just looking for ingredients but it feels wrong.

Movie review - "The Scamp" (1957) **1/2

 A genuine Colin Petersen vehicle. He repeats much of the stuff from Smiley - knocks out his dad and runs away, gets in a fight, is cute. Also he plays drums which Petersen could do. He's charming star - the heart of this film. Richard Attenborough's school teacher is a little creepily invested and dismissive of Dorothy Alisoin his wife. Terence Morgan is an excellent cad as Petersen's dad and Jill Adams is fun as the trashy blonde he dates.

Movie review - "Junior Bonner" (1972) **`1/2

 Part of that weird early 70s enthusiasm for rodeo movies, this is arguably the best known, starring Steve McQueen and directed by Sam Peckinpah, although it didn't make much money.

McQueen is very cool and good. Peckinpah's direction is understated. The acting is fine. Robert Preston is flashy dad, Ida Lupino is harder mum, Barbara Leigh is the hot girl (that's about it). Joe Don Baker is excellent as McQueen's realestate brother. Ben Johnson is in it as some rodeo guy.

The movie  would've been more exciting with McQueen as a gunslinger. Sorry, it's nice Peckinpah wanted to change pace, but the film is boring.

Aussies will like how McQueen buys Preston a ticket to Australia (Preston's dream destination).

James Coburn and Australia

 1) The Great Escape - mangled the accent, nailed the attitude

2) Death of a Soldier - Australian film with Coburn as the imported star

3) Payback - Coburn had a good support role in this film from Aussie-when-it-suits-us Mel Gibson - he and Gibson were also in Maverick together

4) Dead Heat on a Merry Go Round - Coburn impersonates an Aussie

5) Babe in th Woods - early TV play written by Aussie Sumner Locke Elliott starring Coburn

6) Major Dundee - Coburn and Aussie Michael Pate have support roles

7) Duck You Sucker - Cobun took a role originally offered to George Lazenby

I'm kind of stretching...

Movie review - "Dead Heat on a Merry Go Round" (1966) **

 One of those films inspired by Charade - all groovy, with twists. It's a bit annoying. A lot rests on the shoulders of James Coburn, who gets out of prison and plans a heist. Thing is it takes half the film for him to raise money for the heist, which involves him romancing people - the shrink to get him out of prison, a maid (Nina Grey who is terrible), a socialite (Rose Marie) another cleaner (Camilla Sparv). Most of these actresses are gorgeous and dressed gorgeously but they're swept off their feet by Coburn - who is attractive but not that hot. Even Cary Grant would struggle to have sold it. But it's all so patchy and stop start.

Coburn also imitates various people including an Australian cop! (He was an Aussie in The Great Escape.)

The film gets much better once the heist kicks in and there's some pace.

It looks terrific in that late 60s way. Harrison Ford pops up to deliver a telegram. I struggled to tell the male support cast apart.

Movie review - "Tidal Wave" (1975) **1/2

 Japanese film The Submergion of Japan was retitled by Roger Corman for New World, who added a few scenes with Lorene Greene though not many. Decent effects but I think the successs was due to its concept - they figure out tidal waves will wipe out Japan causing the whole country to be evacuated. Massive stakes. Great issues. Refugees etc.

Aussies will enjoy a scene where a Japanese politician asks the Australian ambassador to take people.

Movie review - "Island of Lost Souls" (1932) ***1/2 (re-watching)

 Saw it again on big screen. Great production design. Wonderful to see a horror film with a decent budget. Thought put in to creatures. Charles Laughton terrific. Bela Lugosi fun although role is small. He could've played Moreau - but any other part would've thrown out the film.

Richard Arlen is fine, but it doesn't really matter. I like how his girlfriend went to find him.

Story issue - I think Laughton should have put Arlen in prison when the girlfriend arrived it made no sense to let Arlen walk around as he could have told the girlfriend and escaped. He could've just said "oh Arlen's on the other side of the island" and trapped the woman, and the doctor could have let out Arlen then the rest could've played.

Full on in many ways - screaming on the operating table, interspecies sex.

Movie review - "Equalizer 2000" (1987) **

 Concorde made a bunch of films in the Philippines that ripped off Mad Max 2 so in a way it's appropriate the hero of this is Aussie Richard Norton.

It's set in a post apocalyptic Alaska (!). There's lots of rock quarries and souped up cars and leather. Robert Patrick is in this.

Norton speaks in his Australian accent which is cute. Connie Wahl is ideal as the heroine.

It's fine. Hits the spot if you're in the mood.

MGM Films About Australia

 1) The Man from Down Under (1943) - created as a vehicle for Wallace Beery, turned into one for Charles Laughton, set in Australia

2) The Fortunes of Richard Mahoney - MGM proposed filming this in the late 1940s as a vehicle for Gregory Peck and Greer Garson which actually makes sense

3) Interrupted Melody (1955) - biopic of Australian opera singer Marjorie Lawrence, developed as a vehicle for Greer Garson, given over to Eleanor Parker - has some scenes set in Australia

4) Million Dollar Mermaid (1953) - biopic of Australian swimming star Annette Kellerman, turned into a (quite good) Esther Williams vehicle

5) Captain Bligh Returns - proposed sequel to MGM's Mutiny on the Bounty which Frank Lloyd wanted to make after that 1935 film's success, set during the Rum Rebellion

6) Dr Gillespie's New Assistant (1943) - Dr Kildare movie featured two Australian characters, one played by Aussie Shirley Ann Richards, the other by Richard Quine

7) The VIPs (1963) - Rod Taylor gets to play an Aussie

8) The Shiralee (1957) - MGM-Ealing film set and shot in Australia starring Peter Finch

9) Rhapsody (1954) - Elizabeth Taylor movie bassed on Aussie book by Henry Richardson

10) They Were Expendable (1945) - John Ford on US troops in the Philippines helping MacArthur escape to Oz

Shirley Ann Richards Top Ten

 1) Dad and Dave Come to Town - her best role, best performance, very funny and lovely

2) It Isn't Done - great debut and a pretty good role even if she was mostly required to bat her eyes at John Longden she displayed an innate intelligence

3) Lovers and Luggers - a "girl" part but she gets points for wearing men's clothes, and it's thus better than Tall Timbers

4) Sorry Wrong Number - not an awesome part but probably her best film apart from Dad and Dave and she's very good

5) Badman's Territory - a girl part, but she gets to ride horses, point a gun and run a newspaper

6) Breakdown - flawed film, lacks focus, but Richards' husband gave her a decent part as a good girl in love with a bad boy

7) Lost Honeymoon - a good role as a protagonist, and she's great - it's just the story is so dumb

8) The Searching Wind - she's better than the play and her two co stars, a very believable "let's let it slide" type

9) Love Letters - flawed film, but Richards is very good as a loyal friend 

10) Dr Gillespie's New Assistant - she has two scenes but is sparky and lovely and should have played Richard Quine's role