Movie review - "Jurassic Park" (1993) ***1/2

 I've never been a huge fan of this. I recognise it's loved. Just seems to be Spielberg going through the motions - stock angles, John Williams. Laura Dern shows her legs, Sam Neill wears a hat, Jeff Goldblum adds some life.

It picks up once the TRex goes on the rampage - a genuinely strong sequence. The ending with the raptors is a little underwhelming. Pulls punches for Richard Attenborough who is too cuddly.

Fine effects. Bob Peck a little campy. Jeff Goldblum doesn't do that much he gets knocked out quite quick. The kids offer stakes. 

Movie review - "Gladiator 2" (2024) **

 Dumb. Badly written. Stuffs up a potentially great story. Paul Mescal is not a star. Denzel is. Why not start with the kid being whisked away with his mother. Great twin Emperors but they are wasted. Full of stuff that exists to be "cool" - baboons fighting etc. Makes no sense. Lazy.

Movie review - "King of Kings" (1961) ****

 For some reason this film is called a flop when it did very nicely particularly internationally - maybe MGM were expecting Ben Hur Mark Two which it wasn't but it made a strong profit.

Handsomely made. Smart. Hunter does well in a difficult role. The support cast steal the show but they always do in Jesus movies.

Movie review - Carry On#10 - "Carry On Cleo" (1964) ***1/2

 Super fun Carry On, one of the best in the series. The Roman setting acts as a massive energy boost, it looks splendid in colour, the sets and costumes impress, the cast have fun. Amanda Barrie is the title role, not given as much screen time as I'd thought. Kenneth Williams is a hilariously camp Caesar and Sid James a raucous Antony with Charles Hawtree as Seneca.

Movie review - "Gold for the Caesars" (1963) **

Jeffrey Hunter and Ron Randell from King of Kings star in this peplum allegedly directed by Andre de Toth but apparently more by the second unit director. There's a gorgeous French girl and the setting and story aren't bad, a little like The Land of the Pharoahs - Hunter is a slave architect helping build a gold mine for his Roman overlords, Randell is a centurion but he's not the main villain the proconsul is (Randell should've played that role). Randell has a fight with Hunter's BFF while Hunter takes on the proconsul. Decent action and production values. Set just before Trajan came to power, and in Spain. They fight the Celts.

Book review - "A Military Life of Constantine the Great" by Ian Hughes

 Typically thorough and accessible book by Hughes. Not as much fun for me as his others because it's so military focused but also because Constantine was such a wanker, determined to take over the Empire just because and giving it to three sons who kept fighting. I guess bits were peaceful and also he was a good general?

Movie review - "Up Pompeii" (1971) ***

 I'd never seen the TV show but this was a lot of fun. Starts out like gangbusters with Frankie Howerd having a fun time talking to the audience and funny jokes like the names, a risque nature. This has bums and boobs and everyone is keen on an orgy. There's an interesting array of characters - slave Howerd, noblewoman Julie Edge (gorgeous but dubbed and no comic timing), dopey noble Michael Hordern, horny wife, horny daughter (good old Madeleine Smith whose vacant expression is employed to strong comic effect.

There's a plot full of potential - an assassination plot against Nero - but the script can't develop this. It does have gladiator combat, baths, orgies, parties... It looks quite good for a cheapie film. The action runs out of puff but the star is in his element. It's fun.

Led to two sequels.

Movie review - "Antony and Cleopatra" by William Shakespeare

 Not really a second tier Shakespeare - maybe a third tier? It's got one classic speech, "age cannot wither her". Cleopatra is not a classic Shakespeare role, though one would assume it would be - he can't quite figure out a take. Antony is boozy.  Octavius is smart.

Interesting to see how influential this was on Joe Mankiewicz's Cleopatra - the same death scenes, squabbling, use of soothsayers.

Cleopatra has a servant Charmion who has some wacky lines. There's lots of short scenes that jump locations - it does read like a film script.

Book review - "Caracalla: A Military Biography" by Ilkka Syvänne

 Lots of research. I'll take the author's word for it. He tries to rehabilitate Caracalla's reputation. There's a lot of conjecture. Fair enough. He bags Cassius Dio all the time. Indeed, it felt like criticising Dio was the main reason to write this book. I could be wrong.

Caracalla was an unpleasant man. Reading this... I guess he was okay at leading armies. But he was a shit. I mean, even reading this book gives this impression. He was always lying to people, misleading, slaughtering. The writer keeps excusing him. It's also a homophobic book full of cracks about "effiminate" Macrinus and saying it was natural for straight people to be revulsed by homosexuals and claiming it was good for the peace of the realm that Caracalla slaughtered all these locals. I mean Caracalla empowered the dopey army, didn't leave any long term benefits.

It's a nasty book and the writer comes across as unpleasant.

Book review - "Constantius III, Rome's Lost Hope" by Ian Hughes

 I wasn't that familiar with this Emperor - a successful solder at a time when Rome had too many duds. Hughes can't make Constantinus come alive as a person, but does make a case that he was a lost opportunity - if he'd lived longer he could've held the empire together through some tough times. Good to see him get a book. I did get confused with all the names. Stand out support characters are Galla Palicidia (Emperor's daughter who went through a lot) and Athaulf (Galla's first husband, goth king), Alaric (who sacked rome but seemed attached to it).

Typically well researched and cleanly written by Hughes.

Book review - "End of Empire"

 Decent account of the collapse of the Western Roman Empire. Attila gets prime billing, Gaiseric maybe under-represented.

Movie review - "Atlantis the Lost Continent" (1961) **1/2

 Not regarded as top tier Pal and it isn't but I enjoyed it. Yes, Edward Platt looks silly in his headdress. Yes, Anthony Hall is a debit as the lead and makes you wonder why MGM couldn't have found someone else. (I know he was last minute but they had a bunch of actors under contract.) Yes, they could have done more work setting up Greece as an every day society. (I actually think the hero should have come from the modern era but anyways).

But it looks great. Lovely cinematography. Solid sets. The story works - slave uprisings are always solid. Fun to see John Dall again, in blonde hair. I liked Joyce Taylor. It's silly and fun.

Movie review - "Cleopatra" (1963) *** (re-watching)

 The first half of this is terrific. Smart, witty, well acted. Elizabeth Taylor is fun in the title role and Rex Harrison isn't a soldier but the intellectual brilliance of Caesar is evident. Motives are clear, everyone is smart. Excellent support work from Martin Landau, Roddy McDowall and Richard O'Sullivan. The spectacle is sparing but awesome eg Cleopatra's arrival in Rome.

The second half is less strong. The acting is still good - Burton steps up, though he looks silly with a sword - but the script wobbly. The spectacle feels more forced - did we really need to see so much of the Battle of Actium? The motivations less clear. Cleopatra wants... power but also Anthony. Anthony wants Cleopatra and power. But both are such whiny brats, it's hard to tell. Act one Cleopatra is smart as a whip. Act two Cleopatra is dumb, making silly decisions like declaring war on Rome and running away during the Battle of Actium. I think the passion of the two of them is meant to lead them to these bad decisions but it just seems silly. 

They have McDowall/Octavius lying in bed everytime there's a battle,  I think to contrast with the macho-ness of Burton's Antony, but Antony looks like a fool especially drinking in strategy meetings.

After the Battle of Actium the film should wrap up but there's scene after scene: Burton being abandoned by his troops, charging the enemy, monologuing, Burton and Taylor saying goodbye to all these people who never got much screen time so it feels like a waste of time.

Still it is a smart epic. Looks gorgeous.

Movie review - "Jupiter's Darling" (1955) **1/2

 The film that ended Esther Williams' career at MGM. It's bizarre in that she went out on such a resolutely untypical film - sure its got George Sidney, Dorothy Kingsley and Howard Keel, but it's a musical satire about Hannibal invading.

The script was written by a woman which may explain why Esther's character is more in charge- she goes out to meet Hannibal, played by Keel in one of his best performances.

The tunes are fine. The Marge and Gower Champion dancing with elephants is cute. The Champions aren't much as actors - this is a debit. The number which is pro slavery is a bit yuck. George Sanders feels under utilised. There's a fair amount of action.

This film is odd - but done with that MGM pizzaz. And it's sheer randomness is endearing.

Movie review - "Constantine and the Cross" (1961) **1/2

Most Christian-in-Ancient Rome literature seems to concern the time of Jesus and shortly afterwards - the persecution of Christians, famous Emperors, so on. The dramatic hooks are bigger and clearer, the Christians were such underdogs.

Later on they were less so, which is maybe why filmmakers steered clear. This has a fascinating subject matter though  - Constantine, whose conversion to Christianity turned a minority religion to the main game in town.

 

That helps this movie - along with the production values and the fact the cast includes Cornel Wilde, Belinda Lee and Christina Kaufman.

 

Lee plays Constantine's wife Fausta who he later had executed for sleeping with his step son... which is a typical Lee role from this period, but Fausta here is relatively goody-goody (a sequel focusing on her would've been more fun).

 

Christians get eaten by lions, there are battles, extras, lounging in togas, assassinations. Not bad.

Movie review - "Messalina" (1960) ***

Very silly and a lot of fun - everything you want from an Imperial Roman court peplum, with Belinda Lee having a high old time as the famous empress, who goes through her tropes: milk baths, seducing soldiers, assassinating people, plotting coups. It's one of her best parts and she's very enjoyable.

Out of the other cast there is a dutiful soldier and some decent nobles, and a pure slave girl (at least I think she was a slave girl), plus imitations of Claudius and Narcissus which adds to camp value. There's a decent budget, impressive action and production values. Maybe three stars is too high but it seriously ticks all the boxes.

Movie review - "Goddess of Love" (1957) **

Belinda Lee's first film in Italy, I believe  - she would work there increasingly often. This one has a novel idea, being about a real life sculptor, Praxiteles (who I'd never heard about before watching this but who existed) whose work included Aphrodite - the model for which is played by Lee. She spends a bit of the film posing in a towel flashing her bare back. This film might've done better if made a few years later when it could show more skin.

Lee seems animated, walking around in short togas. The plot involves an enemy soldier, Jacques Sernas, being found near the scupltor's estate - the sculptor, Massimo Girotti (who was in Ossessione) seems to think the soldier is a babe and keeps him secret to be a model. But show everyone's straight, Lee falls for the soldier which makes the sculptor jealous and starting to want Lee.

That's actually a good solid set up for a drama - a love triangle between a sculptor and his two models, one of whom is an enemy soldier. The film doesn't really exploit it though. At heart this should be a sexy character drama but the censor presumably wouldn't have allowed that. In that case they should have gone action then but don't.

The film goes for melodrama at the end with Lee working as a hooker, basically and worried the guy won't love her naymore.

Lee is very good - she's relaxed, animated, more involved with the material than she was with too many of her British films. Italy agreed with her.

Movie review - "Joseph and His Brethren" (1962) **

The story is very satisfying - it has a marvellous end. They were always talking about making a version in the 50s with Louis B Mayer and Rita Hayworth.

This has Geoffrey Horne who had a good role in Bridge on the River Kwai and vanished into... this. Sets and costumes fine. It feels directed by the 1st AD but was actually Irving Rapper, one of those directors who obviously needed the studio system.

Presumably he's why the cast is so strong - Felix Alymer as Joseph's dad, Robert Morley as Potiphar and Belinda Lee as the skanky wife. Morley is miscast but he and Lee are badly missed in the second half.

Movie review - 'The Valley of Gwangi" (1969) **

Lesser known Ray Harryhausen in part because a lot of it was just plain annoying - to me, at any rate - it's got this irritating opening sequence in turn of the century Mexico (presumably to accommodate filming in Spain), which sets up all this storyline about a rodeo rider (James Franciscus, uncharming here) visiting a rodeo, renewing a relationship with a fellow rider (Gina Golan) and some boring old idiot.

They discover a secret valley where there are dinosaurs running. The film improves with some typically strong Ray Harryhausen creatures but it never hits the top rank for me. In part this is because the humans are so dull - they're not really on a mission to find dinosaurs,Laurence Naismith is a dull professor digging in the area but not on an expedition, and there's all this rodeo storyline, with Franciscus wanting to buy a ranch and not wanting to settle down with Golan then wanting to settle down, and then the cowboys thinking of exploiting the aliens and... urgh.

In King Kong the dramatic lines were clear and the characters vivid - Robert Armstrong wanted to make a movie, Fay Wray wanted to act, Kong fell in love with Wray, Armstrong wanted to exploit him. Here it's all fuzzy. Also Kong was kind of mean, beating up humans on Skull Island and terrifying creatures... here the poor old Gwangi is minding his own business when lassoed, and he doesn't deserve to be captured, he doesn't fall in love with anyone and is killed after understandably going on a rampage.

For some reason the scenes of horses travelling with loud clip-clop dubbed sounds really got on my nerves. It was as if "oh we've got to get these horse sounds right" and they ignored the script.

I'm not sure cowboys plus dinosaurs work but this definitely doesn't.

Movie review - "Jason and the Argonauts" (1963) ****

The leads are not memorable - I'm not surprised that Todd Armstrong failed to have much of a career - and it lacks star power. But it's easy to see why this would have gripped imaginations of its youthful audience so. It has a smart script - literate, not playing down to its audience, full of Classical references. The characters of the Gods are entertaining complex and human, and while Jason is dull a few other humans are allowed to shine eg Nigel Green's Hercules.

Some fantastic moments like the boat going through the cliffs and the final battle with skeleton soldiers. It's got an impressively heavy tone too - all these kids are wiped out at the beginning.