Movie review - "Clerks III" (2022) ** (warning: spoilers)

Kevin Smith is at his best when writing about personal experience, and as he's avoided that in his films the quality of his work has declined. There's plenty of material to mine: the heart attack, turning vegan, trying to stay relevant as he gets old, having a daughter grow up, discovering the truth of allegations about Harvey Weinstein.

The only one he goes for here is the heart attack. I think Smith came up with the concept then was trapped by it - Randall has a heart attack and decides to make a film.  I get that's a sexy concept. 

But it's one that quickly runs into problems. I don't think Smith knows how Randall and Dante would talk these days - he knew how they did talk but not now. He knew how to write about making a cheap film them but not now. It doesn't make sense a forty something man would make a movie about working in a store now... an autobiographical film yes. But the old guys play their roles.

He would've been better off making a film about Walt Flanagan and co now - or his life now. Or a pure nostalgia piece. Maybe he didn't want to go there.

Fun to see cameos though cannot Ralph Garman impersonate anyone other than Arnie and Al Pacino? The Smith stock company is there - wife, daughter, Ben Affleck, Justin Long, Freddy Prinze and Sarah Michelle Gellar, Supergirl.

Some glimpses of a more interesting movie - like when Dante and Veronica hook up. That could've been a film. It has some emotion when Dante dies.

But like Jersey Girl this is outside Smith's comfort zone, despite it being Clerks. His comedy riffs don't work the same way. It's unsure of itself. It repeats the same arc as Clerks 2 with Randall telling Dante what Dante means to him. (Why not give Randall a romance, by the way?)

I loved Kevin Smith movies but they're just not working. If he's not willing to really put it on the line I'm not sure he should be doing it.

Movie review - "Yoga Hosers" (2016) **

Kevin Smith redoes Clerks and throws in some weird arse 80s sci fi. I get what he was going for but it doesn't quite work. I find Canadian jokes as funny as the next man but the constant "aboot"s and "eh"s get wearying. The Instagram chapter titles don't work either - because they're not done how it's done.

Clerks worked in part because Smith knew what he was talking about. He doesn't seem to know how teen girls talk - it feels taken from movies.

The inserts of websites and Instagram shots with video game music is really annoying, the girls are far too passive a lot of the time, it felt confusing that there were Satanists and Nazis running loose separately, the goal of killing art critics feels like a shaggy dog joke rather than decent stakes.

Sometimes this is spot on: Harley Smith and Lily Rose Depp have nice chemistry; Depp is so good looking that I foresee a strong film career for her; it is fun to see Johnny Depp in scenes with his daughter; the girls fighting off the Bratzis is lots of fun, as are the times they play the guitar.

But Smith's director and script don't service his ideas well. It feels sloppily written and directed, and never quite achieves the sense of fun it's aiming for. These sort of movies are harder to do than they look, as he found with Cop Out.

Script review - "Tusk" by Kevin Smith (2013)

After seeing the film I thought I'd read the script on line - Smith scripts are often entertaining to read because he's such a good writer and are often dialogue heavy. There are some interesting differences from the final film - the script is even shorter, lacking several moments back in the real world involving Wallace, and a scene between Guy and Howard. Wallace is more of a dick head in the script, going off to have sex with swingers (he tells his girlfriend, who is far less sympathetic here - she still cheats on him), more obnoxious. It doesn't have the convenience store girls and there's a different Canadian customs official.

The stuff involving the walrus transformation feels the same - and overlong, though the imagery and weirdness of it is there. In some ways I preferred the script's depiction of Wallace as a nastier person, it made his torture a little easier. It still lacks a strong third act, and feels padded even at this tighter length.

Movie review - "Tusk" (2014) ***1/2 (warning: spoilers)

Kevin Smith goes weird with another horror comedy in the vein of Red State which shows his continued confidence as a filmmaker - though it wasn't as good as his earlier stab in the genre. It has some great moments and wonderful acting but I kept feeling it wasn't quite a feature - maybe more a 50 minute episode of an anthology TV show.

Justin Long is effective as the egotistical podcaster who has an experience even worse than James Caan in Misery - Long is meant to be a prick (greedy, making fun of people, cheating on his girlfriend) - but because Long is so likeable, and he's not that bad, and his girlfriend his cheating on him with his best friend, you still really feel for the poor guy and he doesn't deserve what happens to him.

Michael Parks is given another fantastic role by Smith as the crazy serial killer and there is good work from chubby Hayley Joel Osmet and Genesis Rodriguez, plus some enjoyable Smith family cameos eg Ralph Garman. I loved some bright Smith dialogue (eg the exchange with the customs official), felt the "Not see Party" gag was over-used, and the reveal of the walrus costume was stunningly effective and the ending didn't cop out. I liked Smith's daughter and Johnny Depp's daughter (the latter stunning beautiful) as bored convenience clerk workers.

Where the film fell down was in the last third after the transformation. It needed an extra twist and you think you're going to get it when Johnny Depp pops up as a cop. But he mainly craps on with a dodgy nose and gets a long flash back with Parks. Sure he fleshes out the back story but really everything Depp's character does could be done by Rodriguez and Osmet, and the movie drags when it should accelerate. I did like the ending though.

Movie review - "Veronica Mars" (2014) ***1/2

This film got a bad wrap from some fans but I ended up liking it a lot. It was never going to be as good as the TV series because (a) it's a movie and can't have the dense plotting of the original series and (b) it's not as high school and thus simply not as much fun. But it was made by people who cared and is a decent enough mystery - although I would have liked it more had I remembered the girl who died.

The cast is impressive - Kristen Bell is fun in the role of her life time and it's great to see old familiar faces again like Jason Dohring (though I think he's meant to be better looking in naval whites than he appears),  Krysten Ritter (outstanding), Francis Capra (a role that you think is going to be bigger than it turns out to be), Percy Daggs III, Ryan Hansen (great fun), Enrico Colantani, Ken Marino, Chris Lowell. Martin Starr is great too. I love the way Veronica is always the hero but the guys in her life still have balls i.e. fighting over her and such.

There are some brilliant cameos too like from James Franco, Justin Long and Dax Shepherd. I could have done without Harvey Levin.

Production values are high and there are some great moments - like Veronica dancing with her friends but checking out suspects and the finale where a killer is after her to the song "You'll Never Find a Love Like Mine".

Movie review – “Going the Distance” (2010) **1/2

Not much of an idea for a rom com – a couple try a long distance relationship – but Drew Barrymore and Justin Long are very winning. The drama is very undercooked; they have these potential rival love interests who don’t deliver, plus there’s a promising sounding subplot about a Jonas Brothers-like band that is raised and ignored. Much of it feels improvised, which sometimes works, sometimes doesn’t.

Movie review – “Still Waiting” (2008) *1/2

The original had heart and a sense of reality, both lacking here. It splits focus by concentrating on two restaurants – the original and a Hooters type bar. That would have been okay but the Hooters one (which potentially could have been really interesting - what do the staff talk about in such places) is mostly done without insight. (There's a nice moment towards the end about when to draw the line - but it's too little too late; far too much caricatures and boobs). Some of the cast from the original return but we don’t really get to know them in much more depth – the angry girl is still angry, the hot girl at the front is still hot. The exception is Justin Long, who returns with a terrific cameo. A misfire.

Movie review – “He’s Just Not That Into You” (2009) ****

Sweet, well made romantic comedy which benefits from being an ensemble piece, thus can be a bit less predictable in its final couplings. This takes on lots of aspects of male-female relationships – what men really mean when they’re talking to women, adultery and compromise within marriage, the role of urban legends in creating female expectations.

A very likable all-star cast – Kevin Connolly could have a real career ahead of him as a character lead, and Justin Long continues to impress with every performance he gives. Ben Affleck is a little irritating but he’s not in it very long; it’s nice to see Jennifer Aniston play a role that suits her age for a change; Bradley Cooper is a bit creepy but that suits his part; Drew Barrymore doesn’t have a very big role – I was wondering why she didn’t play the one taken by Gennifer Godwin, maybe she felt she was too old. 

The film could have explored the “she’s just not into you” dynamic as well – the phenomenon of guys chasing after woman; they touch on it a little with the Connolly-Scarlett Johansson relationship but it’s far more weighted towards the martyrdom of women. But then, the film knows its demographic. Great to see a rom com not set in frigging New York City.

NB Godwin does a tremendous bit of acting – when Long tells her some hard fact of life about men she does this wonderful double take, her eyes bugging out. A good female friend of mine does just the same thing – wonderful.

Movie review – “Zac and Miri Make a Porno” (2008) ****

Kevin Smith proves yet again that he’s learned his lessons from Jersey Girl – you can go commercial, but don’t leave your vision behind. So here we have a well-structured script, with sympathetic protagonists, etc, etc. and lots of warmth and romance but also Smith’s trademark swearwords and filthy humour. 

I thought it was wonderful, a foul mouthed comedy with a lot of heart. Elizabeth Banks is excellent in what is a growing long line of attractive female leads who can believably pull off the fact they find the dork hero lovable (Katherine Heigl, Catherine Keener, Drew Barrymore). 

Seth Rogen is the perfect Smith hero and Justin Long and Brandon Routh are hilarious – one of my only two grips is that these two didn’t reappear in the film. The other gripe was there didn’t really need to be a three month gap or whatever it is at the end. It could have happened a week or so later. But that doesn't explain why this wasn't a massive hit - buggered if I can figure it out, it should have been huge.

Movie review - "Die Hard 4.0" (2007) **

Big explosions, cartoon stunts (falling out of a helicopter and off a plane just gets you a scratch), snazzy visual styles, silly mistakes:it's a bright idea to have all electronics, power, etc shut down in the US, but where's the human stakes? It's annoying, sure, but no lives are threatened (cf the first two Die Hards). They try to fix it by throwing in McLane's daughter at the end, but that should have been in the first act not the third (Justin Long means nothing to him - how about making him his son in law or son or something?)

Tim Olyphant is fine as the baddie and Maggie Q very strong as his sidekick. But the references to the first film (eg an FBI agent called "Special Agent Johnson", McLane's daughter taking the name "Genero" until the end when she becomes "McLane") only serve to remind the viewer what a better, cleverer film the original was.

Movie review - "Dodgeball" (2004) ***1/2

The concept of people throwing balls at each other is inherently funny and really helps this film along. This takes a while to get into its stride - the old film with Hank Azaria about the history of Dodgeball feels like a slightly clunky bit from The Simpsons, and the "we need$10,000 in three days" a bit too Syd Field (as indeed the whole structure is). 

 

But things are cliches for a reason - it works, and once the story gets going it develops its own mad momentum. You'd normally imagine Vince Vaughan as the baddie and Ben Stiller as the goodie but it works the other way round - Vaughan in particular has an engaging off-key quality that brings freshness. And even Christine Taylor may be Ben Stiller's partner in real life but she's very effective in these sort of roles (the straight love interest - they're not as easy to play as you might think). 

 

Sometimes the random tangents don't quite pull off(eg the pirate man) but more often than not they do (eg cameos from the Hoff and Chuck Norris). And the climactic battle is actually quite exciting.

Movie review - Waiting (2004) ***

I approached this film with some trepidation – Clerks set in a restaurant – but was surprised to find it clever, warm and delightful. OK, maybe not “warm”, but a lot better than I thought it would be. Had a lovely feeling of reality and authenticity (that slightly hedonistic early 20s restaurant world of drugs, alcohol and sex), the cast had real camaraderie, the characters were recognizable (the girl who hates the world who works in hospitality, the lady killer with a taste for high school girls, the Lolita-like vixen at front counter, the two bus boys who slack off and want to be rap stars, the manic chefs), the running gag about showing genitals genuinely funny. 

There are flaws, which struck me more after seeing the film: the female characters are under-utilised (Anna Faris is wasted, in particular – you keep expecting her to do something but she only gets to have one monologue), Ryan Reynolds is a little too old for his role, the device of having a wise old black man as a yoda figure is irritating. It’s pleasing to see Justin Long playing slightly less wimpy than usual.