TV special to promote Dr Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine with much AIP talent – Louis Heywerd co-wrote and produced, it stars Vincent Prince, Tommy Kirk, Susan Hart, Harvey Lembeck and Aron Kincaid (all but Kirk were under contract to the studio). AIP never had much luck with television productions and this doesn’t quite work. It’s fascinating of course but pretty crappy and badly needed colour and to be set outside.
It starts with a song and dance number with dancing bikini women over the credits while Lex Baxer’s jaunty theme song plays. Then Dr Goldfoot addresses the camera, starts telling the audience Richard III-style about his plans to control over the world. Goldfoot’s assistant Hugo is played by Harvey Lembeck. Goldfoot explains he has invented a machine to destroy man – “woman”. He leaves Lembeck to describe it then disappears.
Hugo then launches into a song about the bikini machine. Then Goldfoot comes back and shows a machine which looks into the Pentagon and we see Tommy Kirk and Aaron Kincaid walking around. Kirk (in a tracksuit) plays Malcolm Andrews, who knows all the classified information in the country – but he only can recall it when he sits in a certain chair and they turn on a switch. Kincaid is the agent who keeps him under guard.
Dr Goldfoot produced a bunch of women – the only one he’s happy with is Susan Hart. Hart watches the machine; she thinks thinks Kincaid (Agent 0 ½ - geddit?) is cute. Kincaid takes Kirk outside for some fresh air – being an AIP film that means that there are a bunch of young people go-go dancing.
Lembeck takes Hart outside (“give me a hand” he says – and is stuck with her hand – Hart apologises - “I was hastily constructed” – the funniest gag in the film). Hart cracks on to Kirk who is delighted – but then she breaks down. Lembeck fixes her up – but then she cracks onto Kincaid instead and takes him away. Lembeck then invites Kirk to a nightclub. Hart takes Kincaid off to a secluded spot and they have romantic banter with Kincaid not getting that Hart is a robot – until she mentions Dr Goldfoot. The penny drops for Kincaid, who talks to the camera not very skilfully (“looks bad for our side”). When he goes back Kirk and Lembeck are gone. Kincaid then kisses Hart – commercial break.
When they come back Kincaid and Hart are walking through the park. They sing a love duet. Lembeck has lured Kirk back to Goldfoot’s under the lie that it is a nightclub. Goldfoot and Lembeck put Kirk into a chair and try to extract information from him. The machinery doesn’t work so they distract Kirk with a floor show: cue some dancing by three of Goldfoot’s robots.
Then Hart arrives with Kincaid (because Kincaid asked her to bring him). Goldfoot tells Kincaid that Hart is a robot. Kincaid refuses to believe it until Goldfoot gets Hart to go for him – only Hart then turns on Lembeck and Price and ushers them away. There is some sort of explosion (I think).
Kincaid then tries to get Kirk to leave; Kirk refuses, insists it’s a nightclub, and asks for another floor show to start. A bunch of robots (male and female – only the females in bikinis) duly oblige. Then it cuts to the credits – the robots dancing
No rational person need watch this show – only if you’re interested in Price/ AIP/ Goldfoot/ Kirk/ Kincaid/ Hart/ Lembeck.
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