Movie review - "Shanghai Surprise" (1986) **

 The opening sets this up very well - a junky adventure story set in late 30s Shanghai. Great. Missing jewels. Chinese. Japanese. Opium. Love it.

I get what they're going for - African Queen type stuff. She's a missionary - he's a con man. Sparks fly. But Madonna never gives off missionary vibes. The script doesn't help her - she smokes, takes nude baths, seduces Sean Penn. Penn looks scungy and has no history. He's a great actor but he needs to be tormented.

You know what might've worked? Swapping the roles. Have her has a shady dame and he's a priest. Then she could have sung. She doesn't even sing.

The plot is simple but also confusing. Action scenes unmemorable. Not very well directed. I know it would've been hard.

Lovely production design. Richard Griffiths fun. Some Asian actors in it. 

Movie review - "A Private Function" (1984) ***1/2

 Hailed as one of the best British movies in the 80s. It was fine. The pig squealing was funny. And being killed. Maggie Smith great. Ditto Richard Griffiths and Denholm Elliot.

I didn't love it. Overcast, glum look of many British films from this era. 

Movie review - "Scrubbers" (1982) **1/2

 I wanted to like it more than I did. Tries hard. Everyone's acting. Didn't quite work for me. I also had troubles following the various plot lines. The theatre they do feels added by Mai Zetterling.

I wonder what Roy Misto's original script felt like? Some of this felt real. Other felt a little more outlandish like a woman committing a crime to be reunited with her girlfriend (isn't there a risk that she gets sent somewhere else?).

They don't cast glamour birds. 

Book review - "The Outfit" by Richard Stark

 Third Parker novel is terrific. The Outfit are out to kill him. He finds out who. Figures out it's the head guy. Makes a deal with the number two guy to knock him off. Gets his mates to hit the Outfit. Would they do so that easily? Well you go for it. It's a series of short stories of various robberies. Then a satisfying ending.

Parker was harder in these early novels - killing guards and stuff. He wouldn't later on. 

Movie review - "Bullshot" (1983) ***

 Would have been really fun on the stage. The film lacks heart. Something like the romance in Flying High. Stars might have helped. But it needed a love story. Done with great enthusiasm though.

Movie review - "Water" (1985) **** (re-watching)

 Looks gorgeous. Funny cast. Well structured. Maybe Brenda Vaccaro OTT. French mercenaries so funny. Leonard Rossiter outstanding.

Movie review - "Gandhi" (1982) ****

 Does anyone watch this any more? Or talk about it? A big deal in its day. The day has passed. But it's smart. Literate. There's an Indian actor in the lead. The lead characters are Indian.

Gandhi is frequently helped by a friendly white - Ian Charleston as a reverend, Martin Sheen as a journalist, etc. This is needed, I believe, to get the film white audiences. 

Beautifully shot and framed. Looks gorgeous. Smart. Powerful.

Long. A collection of scenes it feels like. Intelligent. I can see why no one watches it any more. 

Movie review - "Gremlins" (1984) *****

 So much fun. It simply works. The concept, the rules, the anarchy, the cast. Zach Galligan is warm and likeable, Phoebe Cates is wonderful, the creatures full of personality, Dick Miller steals every scene he's in. Joe Dante really brought it all together. Jerry Goldsmith's jaunty score.

Movie review - "Avatar: Fire and Ash" (2025) **1/2

 Gorgeous visuals. Excellent action scenes. Acting fine. Knows how to pull at the heart strings. Too long. Feels choppy. Endless subplots. I nodded off and at one stage thought I was seeing the first movie, with similar action sequences, whales, and Brendan Cowell (didn't he die? Why bring him back? Can't they kill anyone these days?)

Full of unresolved plots - like the general, the nasty tribal leader (great character). I'm not even sure Stepheh Lang and Brendan Cowell are dead, they keep bringing people back.

They should've attacked the human base at the end.  And Spider is more trouble than he's worth.

Better that they'd wrapped this up. 

Movie review - "Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery" (2025) ***1/2

 Points to Rian Johnson changing mode, making this an examination of faith. Josh O'Connor is excellent in a tricky role. Daniel Craig hams it up. Mila Kunis feels miscast. Jeremy Renner seems unwell but it suits the part. Nice images.

Movie review - "The Great Rock n Roll Swindle" (1980) ***

 Banger soundtrack. If you don't like the music you don't go for the film. The movie is a mess. But there's always something going on - fun animation, Steve Jones as a detective, Malcolm McLaren claiming credit for everything and hanging out with a little person, Sid Vicious full of dark charisma, Johnny Rotten glimpsed but still a thrill, Edward Tenpole as someone who should've been the front man for good. Packs a kick at the end with reports of the deaths of Sid and Nancy.

Movie review - "The Holiday" (2006) ***

 Sweet rom (not enough comedy, really, to be a rom com) which has intimidating production design, lots of people who've been dumped, some quite insightful writing on the pain of loving someone who goesn't love you back, a good heart, top level cast. Kate Winsley and Cameron Diaz are ordinary gals next door (ha), Jude Law the perfect man (dead wife, handsome, in love, editor, cute kids), Jack Black a genuinely fresh choice, the Eli Wallach suubplot very sweet.

Movie review - "Winter Spring Summer and Fall" (2024) ***

 Sweet romance which hit the spot and nice to Jenna Ortega in a more regular part. The film feels as though it's headed towards a bittersweet ending so the happy one doesn't quite work. Amiable. I was in the mood for it.

Movie review - "Captive" (1986) **1/2

 Doesn't quite work - Paul Mayersberg was perhaps over ambitious using the Patty Heart story as he had to demonstrate real character change, and the inexperienced cast doesn't help. But it takes a swing. Memorable images and moods. The Edge did music. 

Mayersberg did work for Nic Roeg and it's got his horniness - we first meet Irina Brook naked with a lover and she takes her clothes off a lot. 

Movie review - "Nineteen Eighty Four" (1984) ****

 Kind of forgotten now - Brazil has overshadowed it - but beautifully done. I mean, beautiful in a drab way. Like a dream, only a nightmarish dream. Wonderful design. Superb work from John Hurt and Richard Burton (clearly dying and sad - what a great last film). Suzanne Hamilton warm. Made to go nude a fair bit. Devastating ending. Depressingly still relevant.

Movie review - "The Holcroft Covenant" (1985) *

 Such a bad movie. Confusing. Slow. Devoid of action. Dull. No decent action scenes.

Michael Caine replaced James Caan. Caine is bad. Everyone is bad. Incomptent. Finale is a press conference. No sex, no intrigue, no suspense.

This was an abomination. 

Book review - "Flashfire" by Richard Parker (2000)

 This gets off to a slow start with Parker being betrayed feeling very rote, and the baddies not really bad more amiable, and Parker raising cash from other jobs too easily. But it picks up when he arrives in town and befriends Leslie. These two have a nice by play and she's enjoyable and it's great that Parker gets really badly injured and can't do what he normally can.

Movie review - "Clockwise" (1986) ***

 John Cleese argued this wasn't a success in the states because it was too indigenous. Maybe - also the film is very stressful with Cleese failing upon failing. And he doesn't really deserves it. Basil Fawlty deserves to suffer. Maybe if his character had a romance with Penelope Wilton, was unhappily married, fell for his ex. I liked the subversion of the teen girl who was having an affair with another student.  Maybe it needed a baddy as well - someone even worse.

Its deftly written and some very funny moments. But it kind of hits the same beat - "the poor bastard".

Movie review - "Electric Dreams" (1984) ***

 Sweet. Great music. Virgina Madsen so lovely. Too much Lenny Van Dohlen who isn't  up to it.

Movie review - "Loose Connections" (1984) **

 The sort of movie you want to be good because its heart is in the right place it's trying to be good but it's just not fun. The vibe is wrong. The leads have no chemistry.

Interesting for its second wave femininsm. Maybe better off establishing he's a yob and finding an excuse to have him go with her than have him lie? 

Movie review - "Wild Geese II" (1985) * (warning: spoilers)

 What happened on this movie? Did they not understand what made the first work?

The first had really interesting characters - doomed men, with no future, looking for a cause, men out of shape.

This is mostly about Scott Glenn as a gloomy mercenary from Lebannon. Edward Fox plays Richard Burton's brother from the first one. Why didn't they use someone with a bit more life? Like Oliver Reed, Peter O'Toole? Maybe they tried. Fox is just pompous. 

There's a throwback to the first film in a training montage. But it's super short. Then a training sergeant yells at a former IRA man then just kills him. Whose dumb idea was that?

The story feels so repetitive. Scott Glenn gets hauled into a car. Then Barbara Carrera. Then Glenn again. 

Why didn't they lean into them being mercenaries?  

Random plots like Carrera and Glenn falling in love, and a network paying for it, and Carrera's brother helping, and there's a double agent (actually that's not bad), and the Russian foisting an IRA man on them, and the IRA giving Fox LSD. And it ends with Hess (Laurence Olivier) deciding to go back. 

No stakes - no reason to bust him out. 

Just shit. 

Interesting to see Laurence Olivier as if he's going to die, Ingrid Pitt as a hooker working for the Russians and Patruck Stewart. Nice views of Germany. 

Book review - "Slayground" by Richard Parker (1971)

 So much better than the film it's not funny. Brilliantly tight, gripping account which starts with Parker in a robbery - dodgy driver crashes, Parker seeks refuge in a fun park, is seen by corrupt cops and crooks who figure out he's got money so don't turn him in but go after the money. So it's a siege story.

Why didn't they film this instead of stupid stuff about killing a nine year old girl and being killed off one by one (here he kills a gangster which annoys a crime lord but that's so much better). In the film Parker (called Stone) was a whimp, an idiot, who only shoots one person. Here he's a complete bad ass.

I guess there's a lot of internal action but you could add a character for Parker to talk to. 

TV review - "Stranger Things - Season 5 Part 1" (2025) ***1/2

 Looks amazing. They spin the plates well. Slight uncanny valley with some of these kids growing up. Terrific action. The writers have watched a lot of movies.

Movie review - "Restless Natives" (1985) ***

 Sweet Scottish film about two young men who decide to be highwaymen. Goofy and tries to entertain. Bryan Forbes and Nanette Newman have a funny cameo as does Mel Smith. Ned Beatty pops up randomly in a decent role. Bernard Hill is one of the dads.

I didn't recognise the leads. Lovely scenery.

Movie review - "Comfort and Joy" (1984) **1/2

 This film has charm and quirk and a relaxed lead performance from Bill Paterson  but there's no relationship to hook into - no progression. He has a friend who is married with a family but they feel like flavour. He meets various ice cream people but I got them mixed up. No new romance. I get why it didnt work commercially. 

Movie review - "Slayground" (1983) ** (warning: spoilers)

 I get there's always a market for a thriller but it was odd EMI Films made this. Perhaps they were seduced by the name of Richard Stark/Donald Westlake - but really it needed a bigger name than Peter Coyote, even if he was coming off ET.

It's an odd duck - Coyote is Stone (Parker), a tough professional crim who works with an incompetent getaway driver who causes a crash that kills a nine year old girl. This prompts the girl's father to hire a killer to take out the crooks and the film turns into a kind of slasher with crims being offed one by one, and Coyote fleeing to England.

It was a mistake to have the accident kill a nine year old girl because I was all on the side of the father. The film tries to soften Stone by having him stop and inspect the dead body and express guilt about it but... sorry. If they'd killed a grown wife or something it would have propelled the plot just the same... I think killing off a kid just feels mean.

Stone never gets the chance to do anything tough until the end and even then it's mostly because the killer is being silly announcing himself. The killer acts as if he's in The Shadow and kills everyone who Stone helps - Mel Smith his friend (his death was a downer), a girl, his lawyer. Stone is toxic.

Why did EMI ever think this was commercial?