Book review - "The Last Action Heroes: The Triumphs, Flops, and Feuds of Hollywood’s Kings of Carnage" by Nick de Semlyen

 This was fine. Easy read. Very surface. Very kind on Chuck Norris who I gather is more terrible. Seagal is lively as he always is. I was hoping for more of a deep dive. These Hollywood stars are so addicted to log cabin personal narratives - I mean, Stallone went to finishing school, for crying out loud.

Movie review - "Exit Wounds" (2001) ***

 Steven Seagal's last theatrical hit. It's a confident movie: looks good, nicely shot, very strong support cast including Jill Hennessy, DMX, Eva Mendes, Isaiah Washington, Tom Arnold, Anthony Andersen, Bill Duke, Michael Jai White... I mean, that's one of the strongest Seagal casts ever. 

The plot is stock - investigating crime in Detroit, with some bent cops - but it has that cast and the action sequences are well done. I wish later Seagal films had protected him more the way he's protected here.

Movie review - "The Foreigner" (2003) **

One of the first Seagal films that went straight to video and still earned a lot of money, determining the shape of his career for the next decade. He's a courier who gets involved in shenanigans around a package. There's some cultured evil British accents, a black actor being nasty, a damsel who has quite a big part (Anna Louise Plowman).

Some potentially interesting subplots are not developed - Seagal being haunted by the death of his father, and having a brother, and looking after a kid. Sometimes he is clearly doubled, and he is too tubby for some of the fight scenes.

It was shot in Poland which is surely prettier than as depicted here. Kate Fischer apparently has a small role but I must have blinked and missed her.

Movie review - "Flight of Fury" (2007) **

In the Steven Seagal oeuvre, this one is probably best described as "the one where he plays a fighter pilot" which to be fair is a decent point of difference.

The story line is clear and simple, which wasn't the case for many Seagal films  - a stealth jet has been stolen and Seagal has to get it back. There's some decent support characterisations - the main villain is an American pilot who got greedy, and Seagal is helped by a sassy girl (Ciera Payton) and a cocky pilot who earns his respect (good work from Mark Bazeley). The villain ha an interesting motivation - his parents were killed by a US strike during desert storm.

Reading back all that it's a shame the film isn't better than it is. It's not terrible or offensive, it just feels by the numbers. Being Seagal there are one or two whacko moments - like when Ciera Payton seduces female terrorist Katie Jones to get out of a tight spot before pulling a gun on her. (Segal's name is down as co writer which may explain that). There's also Seagal walking slow motion towards his plane a la The Right Stuff. He does look too fat to be a pilot.

There's some crusty old general types which made me assume the filmmakers had dreams of another Under Siege. I think they could have gotten there, the story was decent enough, but the execution isn't up to it.

Movie review - "Kill Switch" (2008) **1/2 (warning: spoilers)

A real surprise - the bar of Steven Seagal films is very low (I don't even know why I'm working my way through the back catalogue at times... I think I blame that superb book by Vern, it was so  much fun it made me want to replicate it)... but this one is good. Mostly.

The main reason is there's plenty of tough action - lots of hard core fights, where Seagal excels, as opposed to gun fire and stunts, where his record is more patchy. The fights are well done, brutal, loud, intense. Segal is just slim enough still to get away with it.

The plot is simple - he's a detective investigating a serial killer in Memphis. There are two serial killers. And the serial killers take out women, which is depressingly bleak - it's why I gave this two and a half stars not three. There's implied torture and knives involved.

One poor woman hangs around Seagal's loft in a shirt trying to entice him to have sex but he's too driven. Then she winds up dead!

I did wish the support cast was better. It does include Isaac Hayes who is a lot of fun but his part isn't that big.

There's a truly bizarre ending where loner Seagal is revealed to have a hot blonde wife and a kid living in a house some distance away.  The blonde wife does a strip tease dance for him and roll credits. WTF???

But considering most of his films around this time, this was pretty good.

Movie review - "Out for a Kill" (2003) **

This Seagal film has a decent basic idea - he's an archeologist who finds out his operation is being used by bad guys, who kill his wife and frame him for a crime so he goes looking for revenge.

But it's not a very good movie. Seagal's character is murky - he never spends much time with the wife or talking about her, she feels convenient. The archeology stuff is used a little but not enough.

The action feels silly and the story is a bit of a mess. I didn't like all the evil Chinese triads sitting around a table.

Michelle Goh and Corey Johnson add some okay support. Vern - the guy who wrote Seagalology - liked this film but I didn't. It's silly and not in a fun way.

Movie review - "Into the Sun" (2005) *** (warning: spoilers)

Maybe the three stars is a little too high but stuff it - Steven Segal's 21st century output is generally so bad this film's virtues come as a relief. On the simplest level it has a great poster, with bold primary colours. It's set in Japan and apparently is based on a story by Seagal so he's animated and energetic, and committed.

It's not a bad story idea, I kind of riff on The Yakuza. Yakuza are killing people and the CIA send in Seagal, who has a History with the country, including old friends, a daughter and a lover.

There's a really strong support cast of Japanese actors - I didn't recognise them but they were all very good, particularly the villains.

I also liked how the villains were a genuine threat. And they did things with real stakes - we spend a bit of time with Seagal's partner so when he's killed it means something. Ditto with Seagal's love interest. Seagal shares hero duty with a Japanese dude, a tattoo artist seeking revenge - it's a shame more time wasn't spent on their relationship.

But there's decent action -  some sword fights! It's well done - such a relief.

Movie review - "Submerged" (2005) **

Some energetic direction at the beginning game me temporary high hopes for this Steve Seagal film - and there's no reason why the central concept couldn't have worked - a device that makes people kill against their will. I mean that worked in The Naked Gun. And after watching recent Seagal films it was nice to see something from the days when he had decent budgets, even straight to video - in that pre GFC glory era.

But as the film goes on it gets more and more confusing and becomes a mess. The director said it was meant to be The Thing crossed with Das Boot which would have been amazing, but then Seagal threw that out a few weeks before filming. The resulting movie was written on the fly and feels like it - the film consists of scenes/segments that feel like trailers for full length films - Seagal getting out of prison and assembling  team of cons (who include Vinnie Jones but none of them get much screen time), there's a mad scientist, we go to Uruguay, then to... I don't know.There's mutants. An opera scene. I have trouble remembering any of this film. At least a few women are more prominent.

What a disappointment. I would have loved to have seen this film as originally envisioned.

Movie review - "Under Siege 2" (1994) **1/2

By the standards of later Segal movies this is a masterpiece but there's no denying it's a drop from the first.

Instead of Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey there's Eric Bognosian and Everett McGill, both of whom are fine actually just not as good - Boganosian cuts lose and McGill gives a good wound-up performance (though I could've done without the creepy leching on Katherine Heigl).

Instead of a battleship there's a train, which isn't that bad a substitute - although some of the back projection is unconvincing.

Instead of Erica Eleniak there's Morris Chestnut, who isn't as pretty and isn't as fun - and means there isn't a love story (they sort of hint there's going to be one with this conductor person but she doesn't last). There's also Heigl, who's Seagal's niece - she's a good looking girl, but it feels a bit, I don't know, lech-y to have her there.

Geoff Murphy's direction is competent, I liked the views of the rockies and there's some decent action and stunts. Seagal kicks a lot of arse and has a good time.

There's some cute 90s technology - references to faxes and CDs.

Movie review - "Under Siege" (1992) ***1/2

In hindsight this would be the peak of Steven Seagal's career - good story, good director, excellent villains, strong support cast, high production values... He looks so slim, so relaxed and confident, it was kind of sad.

The Die Hard on a boat stuff works well - it's solid and entertaining with plenty of good set up stuff: Seagal working as a cook, the treacherous XO (Gary Busey), the loyal captain (Patrick O'Neal), the head terrorist being a CIA renegade (Tommy Lee Jones), Seagal's main ally being a stripper who jumps out of a cake (Erika Eleniak).

Funnily enough the end of this got a bit wonky - less exciting with people sitting around pressing buttons, less human somehow, and a not very convincing fight between Jones and Seagal (though it is funny how the knife is rammed into a dummy Jones' head - I always remembered the bad slow motion from this sequence). I felt he should've killed Gary Busey hand to hand.

There's not much chemistry between Seagal and Eleniak, she's more like his kid sister, but it's good to have her along. There's a nice "team" vibe you didn't get in many Seagal movies - especially when he teams up with some other people who didn't get caught.

Colm Meaney adds extra acting firepower as another baddy. But the film is stolen by Busey and Jones who have the time of their lives, acting up a storm - Busey's even in drag. Two great villains. It's a fun movie.

Movie review - "Contract to Kill" (2016) *1/2

I think Keoni Waxman is a director of talent - he keeps things moving fast, knows how to use the frame. I wasn't as wild about his script which confused me in a lot of places.

Many recent Seagal films don't feature lots of Seagal. In this one he's very front and center, with lots of dialogue and fight scenes. It's a case of be careful what you wish for because he struggles with the dialogue (they should've given the exposition to someone else) and is so awkward in the fight scenes.

Seagal is helped out by sultry Jemma Dallender, who has a decent screen presence (and is the one who has to suffer through the love scene) and Russell Wong, who flies drones (the film has a thing for drones - there's a lot of them, and they're not that exciting).

But it's not a good movie. It's confusing, and lacks excitement, and the star is not on form.

Movie review - "The Patriot" (1998) **

The turning point in Steven Seagal's career - after the decent Fire Down Below he made this, which was intended for theatres but ended up going straight to DVD, and he never really bounced back (though there have been flashes of return to form eg Exit Wounds).

This has two ideas, either which had the potential to form the basis of a good Seagal film and could even have worked in tandem: Seagal takes on Neo-Nazis and deals with a virus outbreak I quite liked that Seagal was down with the Native Indians and was a doctor with a daughter who wore glasses - these were all different sort of touches.

But the film is a mess. It takes what should have been a simple story and makes it confusing - the Nazis just surrender, inject themselves with a virus, go to court, spit on the judge, the virus spreads, they break out... It doesn't make sense. It's confusing.

Excitement is constantly drained - people stroll in and out of top secret facilities and sieges, there's no build, no rising tension, characters take time off for funerals.

Gailard Sartain is a hilarious fat and unscary bad guy. The film cries out for some CIA baddies and doesn't get it. Theres too much chasing after blood to get a virus cure... don't the militia have any other aims? Why start with the militia surrendering?

It looks pretty - nicely shot, handsome production values. The quality of acting is fine - LQ Jones is in it.  But director Dean Semmler can't seem to get much pace going and it feels like something that was rewritten a lot.

NB The original novel was about a virus epidemic that wiped out most of the USA's population - that would've made a great, and different in a good way, Seagal film.

Movie review - "The Perfect Weapon" (2016) ** (warning: spoilers)

A different sort of Steven Seagal movie - I guess it's not really a Seagal film as his role is relatively small (he's the villain), but he is in it - in that it's a sci fi piece set in the near future. It's a totalitarian state, kind of like The Running Man, run by the Director (Seagal).

The actual hero is some bald actor called Johnny Messner, an assassin who works for the government but then kind of turns a bit good

Late 80s/early 90s heartthrob Richard Tyson is on hand to play a henchman. Vernon Wells has, disappointingly, one scene only as a thug who is going to torture Messner. Sasha Jackson isn't bad as Messner's dead ex love.

I enjoyed the ambition of this film, mild as it was and there were some decent twists involving Jackson - she's actually alive, then she's been Vertigo-ing Messner, but like in Vertigo she's fallen in love with them, but he shoots her.   Also Seagal dies at the end, giving the movie some uniqueness (he doesn't often die in his films)... only he doesn't really die because he's a twin only the twin is still alive but he gets killed by the surviving twin... or something... I got really confused by this bit.

There's a creepy scene where Seagal talks to a Japanese girl lying in his bed about how her body relied on interconnected nerves. But I liked how his character was a super smart, and he still has more star power than Messner. Messner is a completely adequate actor but he doesn't have Seagal's X factor. It really would've been a better movie had they swapped roles.

Movie review - "Absolution" (2015) *

Seagal is a man who's done a lotta bad things so he takes a job to try and redeem himself - stopping a human trafficking racket run by Vinnie Jones. Helping him out is Byron Mann, a Chinese American actor whose work I'm not that familiar with - he was perfectly fine. Better than Seagal and Jones both of whom seem to be very tired.

Seagal playing tormented and seeking redemption isn't a bad idea in theory but his acting style is normally laid back and I think he's done that so long that finding something more wasn't in him. Wearing dark glasses most of the time doesn't help.

You can watch the fight scenes and try to figure out if Seagal is doing them or his body double and the hair is painted on. It's unpleasant -people get tortured and killed, Mann makes jokes about going to massage parlors. The whole vibe of the film is depressing.

It's not a very good film. Visually unappealing, I had trouble telling the support actors apart. He helps out stripper/hooker Adina Stetcu, who at least gives the film some warmth. There's an amazingly awkward end scene were she lap dances for him and looks so not into it - just like in a previous Seagal film.

This was hard going.

Movie review - "Code of Honor" (2016) * (warning: spoilers)

Steven Seagal's physical disintegration over the past twenty years is well known. Less familiar is that of Craig Sheffer - the one time hunk of Some King of Wonderful is looking wide eyed and seedy as a special agent investigating vigilante Seagal, who is knocking off various criminals.

There's a good movie inside here somewhere - some interesting thoughts on vigilantism, revenge, redemption... and I really liked the twist that Sheffer is more of a vigilante than Seagal - but its buried underneath dull handling, the unappealing stars. It's also confusing and a bit dim.

The action isn't particularly well staged, the production values aren't great.

The cast also includes James Russo and Louis Mandylor, who you might recognise from things. The best performance is Helena Mattsson, who is good value as a stripper - yeah, I know, she's a stripper, but the actor makes the most of it.

Movie review - "The Glimmer Man" (1996) ** (warning: spoilers)

There was that period in the mid 90s when action film stars tried to mix it up by making buddy movies with black actors - Jean Claude Van Damme did one with Dennis Rodman, here Seagal is teamed with Keenan Ivory Wayans of all people.

Wayans was/is a noted comedy star but he plays the role pretty much straight. He's not given that much to play with mind - he's a bit... uptight I guess. He has a broad moment or two where he sobs at old movies. There's certainly none of the character clash of say 48 Hours.  They really should have taken the Seagal-is-new-age-and-Wayans-isn't and run with it, but they don't.

It kind of suits this film which is a real grab bag. It's part buddy cop film, with Seagal and Wayans investigating a serial killer; part actioner with Seagal having a background in special ops; some crims use the serial killer as a cover for their own murders; the serial killer does some stock religious stuff; Seagal's ex wife is killed and it seems he's blamed for the murder, but he never is, really. And was he married with kids? I think he had an ex and they had kids... but there's barely any scenes between Seagal and his kids.

It was really hard to get a fix on this film. It felt like one of those movies where the script was rewritten. There's all the ingredients there for a great movie - I mean, a baddy pretending to be a serial killer to off victims, that's fine, as is Seagal being blamed - but the result is a mess.

The support cast is outstanding - baddies include Brian Cox, Bob Gunton (from The Shawshank Redemption), Stephen Tobolowsky (as the serial killer!). Sitcom star Nikki Cox turns up as a school girl, Spy Kid Alex Vega is one of Seagal's kids and Blame It On Rio's Michelle Johnson is in there too.

Some of the action scenes are fine, and I loved Seagal smacking people around the restaurant. Although Seagal was getting fat at this stage, he seems relaxed and confident and having a good time. The production values are high - it's clearly a studio movie - but it is a complete mess.

Movie review - "Mercenary for Justice" (2007) **1/2

A perk of Steven Seagal films - odd people occasionally pop up in them. This one has villains that include Luke Goss (from Bros) and Robert Guenver Smith (from a lot of Spike Lee movies) and an ally played by Michael Kenneth Williams who was in Boardwalk Empire.

But then this had a decent budget, I think. It certainly looks fantastic with high production value, snazzy cinematography and location filming in South Africa.

There's some enjoyably tough dialogue and a strong cast - not just the names I mentioned but other less familiar people. Seagal is ideal as a mercenary, the film has a strong cynical tone which suits it and I really liked how women had prominent roles - they take part in the action and everything, notably a blonde mercenary and Seagal's sidekick played by Jacqueline Lord.

The main problem I had with this was the plot which was very confusing - Seagal led a team of mercenaries who think they're fighting for good but actually they're doing it to make money for members of the CIA, and some of his team are good and some are bad, and some family friends are kidnapped to make him to bad, and the bad members of his team kidnap some French diplomats. Then there's storylines about robbing a bank, and busting the son of a billionaire out of prison.

I had a lot of trouble following it. Basically Seagal has this little gang - himself, Lord and Williams - and they go around saving the day. But it was too messy, really.

Still, a decent enough DTV Seagal movie.

Movie review - "Force of Execution" (2013) *

I was a little confused by the plot of this Steven Seagal movie at first but what it boiled down to was this - he's a crime lord who retired but Ving Rhames wants to take over his old network. There's a big subplot involving a former assassin of Seagal's who is traumatised - he's played by Bren Foster, an Aussie actor. His friend is Danny Trejo, so this movie has a decent amount of B film star power.

There's a lot of scenes in strip clubs and a fair few torture scenes, which I didn't like. It was good how Foster's character had some meat on it - he was a broken, guilty man. So too did Seagal.

But I didn't like the film. It was needlessly confusing. Opportunities for emotional connection were missed. New characters came in and were given importance in an odd way which threw me - like Seagal's other sidekick. The film also had a nasty tone. There was a decent amount of action but it wasn't a terribly gripping story. I think the basis of something really awesome was there, but it didn't come together, for me at any rate.

Movie review - "A Good Man" (2014) ** (warning: spoilers)

Steven Seagal is required to do a bit more running and emoting than in his later movies in this one. He's a special ops who takes part in a mission that goes wrong - in part because he can only do it with one other person (it's a low budget film). It's actually a decent sequence which results in a bunch of women and children being killed and Seagal trying to save a girl's life and she dies.

Then he's recovering in Eastern Europe and forms a relationship with a single mum and her little sister, Hondo style. The mum has a brother, who shares hero duties with Seagal - he's Victor Webster, a good looking guy with a decent screen presence who shares the load with Seagal well (I'd never seen him before but he'd done a heap of TV).

Tzi Ma is a decent villain. There are several scenes in a strip club which are a drag - like 80s Cannon cinema. Director Keoni Waxman ensures it's fast paced. Some of the action stuff is a bit vicious and unpleasant and Romania (where the film was shot) isn't terribly interesting visually.

Iulia Verdes is the single mum. There's a really awkward final embrace between her and Seagal where it looks like she's giving him a lap dance and he's sitting down and she so clearly doesn't want to be there.

Movie review - "The Asian Connection" (2016) **

Late period Steven Seagal - the waistline is huge, the hair is clearly painted on, most of his scenes are shot with him sitting down except one where he tumbles with a topless girl, it's a relatively small role though quite well spread out throughout the film.

He's the baddy in this one - well, antagonist rather, since the "heroes" are bank robbers - a Yank and an Englishmen living in Thailand who decide to rob a bank in Cambodia. That's not terribly nice behaviour and there's no redeeming reason for it - none of them have a terminally ill daughter seeking treatment or anything. One has a girlfriend who I thought was going to be the innocent victim, but she's complete into it, making out on the bed of cash and later on joining in the robberies.

So there's really no one to sympathise with - except, oddly, Seagal who sits at this table, wondering why he keeps trusting people who advise him to put his money in banks which keep being robbed - and indeed after we've seen that scene a few times we wonder too.

Pim Bubear has a likeable screen presence as the girl. John Edward Lee kept reminding me of Australian spin bowler Steve O'Keefe. I wish their characters had been etched out a bit more - why do they do what they do? I know character should be explained through action but I felt they were inconsistent - nihilistic? Decent? Troubled?

Director David Zirilli keeps things moving at a fast pace. It's no classic but it is unpretentious fun - I quite enjoyed it- and the location shooting in Thailand helps.